The Key to Unlocking More Opportunities with Selena Soo

Jaclyn Mellone  

Welcome to Go to Gal episode number 163. As always, I’m your host, Jaclyn Mellone, and today I’m joined with the incredible Selena Soo. Now, Selena is a publicity expert. And today we’re gonna dive into publicity from a different angle. Now, my first interview with Selena was actually really early on in the podcast, but I re-aired it last year. So if you go back to episode number 106, that is the replay of that episode. She was one of our first guests the first few months. So it’s really cool to revisit with Selena, catch up on stuff. There were a lot of updates I did not know. So you’re gonna hear about those in this conversation, but you’re really going layer deeper. So, we’ll link Episode 106 in the show notes. If you don’t know about the publicity pyramid and some of the foundations of what Selena teaches with publicity, definitely go and listen to that episode. But today, I wanted to go deeper with it, and also maybe the opposite of deeper. I don’t know what that would be. But essentially, it’s like, okay, let’s back up from the nitty gritty. Like, why are we even talking about the media? Why does the media matter? At what point? Should we be thinking about the media? And how does the media influence everything else that we’re doing with our business? Because I will tell you, I’ve had some really significant media over the past few years that has really been a game changer in my business and my brand. And people will come to me and be like, oh, wow. We saw that as a result of that. But oftentimes, those same people are like, oh, yeah, like meeting is just like I don’t like someday, or it’s not the priority right now, and may not be seeing how media can be this domino behind the scenes, or even front and center that’s helping all these other business goals you have happen faster and easier, and open up doors, and opportunities that maybe you didn’t think were possible, or were possible for you right now. So I’m going to ask Selena some tough questions. And we’re going to be looking at this from all angles and how earning publicity can be a collaborative process. Oprah doesn’t want you to wait to start getting media. Some hidden benefits of media that open up huge opportunities that you may not even be thinking about. We also talk about how and why to share your vulnerable story with the world, Selena actually recently opened up in a way that she hadn’t before in a way that really touched me. And I know it really impacted hundreds, if not 1000s of women around the world by sharing her story and her message in a way that she typically doesn’t. So we’re gonna go there at the end of this conversation. And I know you’ll want to hear that, too. 

I’ve learned so much from her. And I’m really excited to be going a layer deeper with it and impacting millions. Yes, I’ve already had a lot of success with PR and media, but I’m constantly learning new things from Selena. And I’m really excited to go to the next level with it. So if you had some media like me, or if you are brand new to media, either way, Selena is putting out an amazing amount of free content right now. You can start off with her publicity calendar. If you go to jaclynmellone.com/calendar, you’ll be able to get her publicity calendar for free. So start with the publicity calendar. There’s so many gems in there to give you ideas for different things you can be pitching throughout the year. And these work for podcasts as well as other media outlets. And it really just got my creative juices flowing. So go to jaclynmellone.com/calendar. And I’ll probably have to update this intro once the other part goes live because Selena and I are both doing contests. So if you are listening to this in real time, opt into the calendar now manual and then you’ll get the update. You’ll be ahead of time. And for those people that listen after well, they won’t even know the difference will just sneak in a new intro. 

Okay, let me formally introduce you to Selena. Selena Soo is a publicity and marketing strategist for visionary entrepreneurs, experts and authors who want to reach millions with their message. She’s helped clients and students get featured in places like the Oprah Magazine, Forbes, and land interviews on popular podcasts and national TV. Many of Selena’s clients have become industry leaders with six and seven figure businesses, raving fan bases and hundreds of thousands of followers. Her signature approach comes down to building powerful and long lasting relationships with influencers and the media in a thoughtful, authentic way. A former New Yorker, Selena now lives by the beach and the beautiful Puerto Rico. Alright, let’s get into it. My conversation with Selena. 

Selena, I’m so excited to have you here today.

Selena Soo  

Ah, thank you. Thanks for having me back. I always love having conversations with you.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yes. Well, same to you. I’m so thankful for you coming back. And I know I don’t think we’ve had a lot of repeat guests. I’m good to go. So it’s a very small club. Like we need to get like a SNL does the jackets and like, what’s something cool that we can get back to you for what we’re doing to celebrate. Oh, so I know. We asked you this. The first time we interviewed but I’ll include it here too. Just because it’s fun. Before we get into you and everything you’re doing now and publicity. Take us back to when you were growing up? What were you the Go to Gal for back then?

Selena Soo  

When I was growing up? I’ve always been someone who’s really good at party planning. So bringing people together creates a unique and memorable experience. And food is like a big part of everything. For me, I think that if there’s not good food, it’s not a good event. I’ve always been the person who likes to order for the table. So yes, food and party planning. That’s my thing. 

Jaclyn Mellone  

Okay, well, I feel like that is definitely still your thing. This ties in very well. I would have loved to come to your slumber parties back in the day. Oh, but the best part forward to today. What do you do? 

Selena Soo  

Yes. So today, I help people, entrepreneurs who feel like on some level that best kept secret to get publicity. I’m just so passionate, because I feel like some of the best people in the world really are that hidden gem. And people don’t know about it. And they literally, I just need more people to know about my work. If I had thousands more people, even a million people exposed to my work. I know my business will grow. I know I can make that bigger impact.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yes. Now, in the first time I interviewed you, we went all into your story. And I’m going to link to that now. And I mentioned in the show notes too, or in the intro to what episode number it is. So we can go back and binge. So I want to dive right into this and talk about all things media and publicity with your business. Now you have your impacting millions program. And I know you were a mastermind, too.

Selena Soo  

I used to lose two. 

Jaclyn Mellone  

Okay, well that’s an update. I say that because it’s been a while. So tell us about what is going on in your business? You have impacted millions, what else is there or is it all impacting?

Selena Soo  

So the primary things we do every run are impacting millions of publicity programs. And it’s a year long experience, combination of like training, and live coaching and community. And we share opportunities with a group from time to time. So that’s really fun. We also now have PR services as an agency. So it’s cool, because when I first started my business, I just knew that I wanted to work with some of the people that I admired the most and like to blow them up and make sure that everyone knew about them. So you know, impacting millions of things. It’s accessible and for everyone, and then at the agency level, it’s for people that are just really serious about kind of doubling down.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Well, I’m so glad I asked and got that update. Now with impacting millions. That is your signature course. Tell us a little bit about why do people join impacting millions?

Selena Soo  

Yeah, I mean, people join impacting millions, because they understand publicity as part of the long game. Building their brand and making the true impact that they want to make. I mean, the thing is it’s one thing for you to tell everyone, “Hey, I’m the best at what I do.” But if you’re the only person saying it, you’re not going to be the go to gal. You need other people to be like, “Oh my gosh. She’s the one to go to.” I just know for myself whether I’m going to a store, and I learn that this product I’m about to buy has been featured in a magazine. I’m like, “Oh my gosh. I gotta get it.” Or if I’m listening to a podcast and the host is like, “Oh my gosh. This is the go to gal for this. I work with her. I love her. I checked out this and that and hers. You got to check it out.” That just means so much to me. It means so much to everyone. So we need to have you know, media and influencers who I consider influencers to be part of the new media, especially when they have podcasts. Maybe they’re doing like igtv interviews, but they’re really like broadcasting other people’s messages, products and services. And you know, you need to have that in your business to really be seen as a go to person.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Absolutely. So this is a program that you run live. And I know with you and your team, it is really interactive. This isn’t just a buy-a-digital-course and you get a bunch of content, there really is a big community and coaching aspect to it. And I wanted to ask you about this because one, a lot of our listeners have their own programs and are trying to decide, okay, do I run it live? Or is it just something that’s an evergreen. But I also wanted to ask because it is such a different experience. And I think when we’re thinking about the media, to not just think of it in this tunnel vision of, okay, I need a pitch template. And that’s it, right? And this is, as I raised my hand to someone who sells pitch templates for podcasting.

Selena Soo  

There’s more to like, really get into where you want to go.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yeah, so why the course format? And with the structure of how you’re running impacting millions, why did you decide that format?

Selena Soo  

So it’s like a combo in a hybrid model. So we do have some horse content that will be recorded. There are seven modules, and we’ve broken them down into really like short mini lessons. So they’re ever like, oh, I need to figure out how to use one thing. They can watch a five minute video or seven minute video, or whatever it is. We also have everything transcribed. We also have clip note versions of everything. You just make it very easy to consume the content. But in addition, when it comes to applying it to your own situation, it’s helpful when there’s people to talk to and there’s like an interactive group. We do coaching calls. We have live coaching calls with our senior media coach Linnea every single month. I also do coaching calls several times throughout the year. And then when people join impacting millions, there’s all sorts of like additional bonuses, where there’s like other deep dive sessions. Like if we’re just like, okay, let’s help you figure out how your story ideas, and let’s do some exercises together alive. Okay, let’s do a session where we’re helping you with the pitching and so forth. Because it can be helpful for people to know like, okay, I can show up to this thing for 90 minutes, and get it down with a group and get feedback. We’re also going to be building accountability groups back into the program. So it’s about building relationships with their amazing peers who are all going for their public dreams, because it’s important to surround yourself with the right people. It’s about getting mentorship from myself and my senior media coach. And then also having the course content, like the key things that you need to know at your fingertips. And then we have like, a lot of downloads in terms of you want to pitch yourself or podcast here is a podcast pitch template, and several great examples of podcast pitches. You want to do TV magazines, pitch yourself or an influencer,mastermind or guest expert opportunity. We have that like all there that can be instantly downloaded. So we wanted to make it so that it was dynamic. You can really like to suit different people’s learning styles.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yes. Because one, I’m so impressed with how you have broken everything up and really do cater to like, okay, if you are trying to get it all at once, or if you just need those little tidbits on that go. It is so actionable from that perspective, but it’s not just isolated content. I think this community aspect is so important. And I mean, one right now we’re all pretty isolated in our everyday lives. But even in normal times, I think back to the course 90-day year with Todd Herman, I almost feel like the benefit of being in that community of the course was even bigger than the benefit of the course. And probably hate me saying that, and I got a lot of benefit out of the course itself. But there’s a power to like, okay, you’re getting this information. And it is so helpful and growing your business. Surrounding yourself with like minded people building relationships with you and your team and these other entrepreneurs that are putting themselves out there. You can’t even put a price tag on that. It really is priceless.

Selena Soo  

You can’t put a price tag on relationships, and building those connections. Having that emotional support, having people to bounce off your publicly dreams and ideas. I mean, that’s part of the reason why we are building out the accountability groups, just so that you have a handful of other people that you can connect really deeply with and meet on a regular basis. If you want to, it’s an optional thing. And it’s also not for the full year, we have little like mini cycles to make it easy for people to digest the content, but also, like people will collaborate within the group. That thing with the media is there’s a lot of opportunity for collaboration. Like, if you land on an amazing podcast, it’s not like, oh, if I land on it, and I get someone else’s opportunity. Like, it’s one or the other. They’re always looking for different guests for a podcast or if someone gets an opportunity in a magazine. Most magazine articles have quotes from multiple experts on the same topic. So it’s really fun to see millions of students supporting each other, collaborating with each other. There’s also people in the program that have their own podcast, and they might want to share with a group like, hey, does anyone want to pitch themselves or apply to be on my show? So there’s a lot of like really beautiful organic opportunities and connections that come from it?

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yes, so powerful, so powerful. Now when it comes to the media, at what point in business should we start thinking about the media? And I’m gonna say, and I know the answer to this, but at what point in business, when do we not need to worry about the media? Is that a thing?

Selena Soo  

Yeah. So I have a couple of different thoughts. I think that when you choose to get media, it’s more of a decision, an internal decision that you’re in a play day. That you’re going to show up, and you’re going to be seen. For me, I pursued media early on in my business, and sort of pitching myself for podcasts and writing guest posts. And the great thing about that is when I start my business early on, I have that instant credibility. They’re like, oh, my gosh, how did she get featured in this place, and she was interviewed by that person. And so it gave me clout. And it really elevated my brand early on, which is an important thing when you’re starting your business. When it’s like, you don’t have the multi year track record, right? And you’re wanting people to pay attention and to take you seriously. The other thing that I do want to say is I don’t think that people need to pursue media year round. So for me, I pursue media in cycles with impacting millions that opens up once a year in March. Like a short period of time, March, April. And so like, I will record interviews, typically like January, February, March, like three months out of the year. Maybe I’ll do like a fourth month, but the rest of the year, I like to relax. I focus on serving my clients and doing other things. But during that certain three month period, that’s when I really show up and go all in. And the fun thing about that is it’s like people see you everywhere, all at once. And it’s really powerful. But then again, everyone needs to create their own media strategy. And we talked about impacting millions. For some people, it makes sense to have a plan where every month, their goal is to be on three podcasts or two podcasts. And that would take them to like, you know, 25 to 35 interviews a year. And like the cumulative effect of that really does, like create authority. And also even people I hear saying, like, they talked to the podcast host. The podcast host is like, oh, I should hire you for your services. Or wow, you were such a great interviewer. I, you know, are using other opportunities, and there’s connections that happen. So it is really powerful when you choose to do something consistently. And even though for me, I do it in that kind of quarter. There’s three months. I’m consistent about that quarter, and not just doing one interview and expecting my business to transform but consistently showing up to have these conversations and speak to these audiences. 

Jaclyn Mellone  

Okay, now, I have a million questions for you about that. But one thing that’s top of mind is when we look at you and you already have a ton of media, do you have your course with impacting millions? There are affiliates, you have ads, you have all of this stuff in place to be bringing people in? Why are you still doing media? I’m sure that people are wondering this question of like, okay, why? Where does the media fit into your strategy? What are some of those benefits that we’re just not seeing or thinking about? Have you had all these things in play? So where does the media fit into that strategy?

Selena Soo  

I mean, this is like how I grow my business, right? I’ve grown like a multi- seven-figure business through media and publicity and through partnerships. So I practice what I preach. And I think there’s multiple ways to grow a business. I’m not here to think a lot of people when they have a course. Like, this is the only way. This is a number one. This is the best way. I don’t think you absolutely need to get publicity. But if you do choose to get publicity, there’s a lot of really great things that come with it. And for me, I think that I’m someone that really prioritizes well. There’s a couple things I prioritize, right? So I think there’s something to be said about prestige and influence, right? I mean, I love Facebook ads. I do invest them in my business, but that’s just amplifying your own content. If you have someone else who is admired, respected and trusted, saying you’re the go to gal, to me, that means a lot and it’s very complimentary to other forms of marketing. So like the prestige, the authority, the instant elevation, you get with publicity, I feel like it is a shortcut. So that’s why I pursue that. And the other thing that I really like about publicity is depth with some other forms of acquiring customers. Let’s say, with a Facebook ad, people are just looking at really quickly, oh, yeah, let me opt into this thing. But they don’t necessarily feel that deep connection yet. But if someone is listening to a conversation, they feel like they’re in your house, like drinking a cup of tea with you. Like a 30 minute to one hour conversation. And then they join your email list. These are people that are warmed up. They know who you are, as a person, what you stand for, how you help people. These tend to be the highest quality leads. I mean, I would say podcasts in particular, or if you’re a guest expert in someone’s group program, and they’re like really your ideal clients. And so for me, I’m just all about depth. And not just for me, but for other people to like, I want people to pay attention to you, and to see you as a real deal and to really value and respect and pay attention to what you have to say versus a lot of entrepreneurs like they feel like they have to do that song and dance so that people actually are like, okay, prove yourself to me. The other thing that I will say is like for impacting millions of my other services, so if people are looking to sign up to work with me, or with anyone in some way, they are going to Google you. That’s a guarantee right? Like, who is this person? What is the first thing that will come up on Google’s view? Will be your website and your social media profiles. Immediately after that, it’s your publicity. So people will say to me, oh, I just listened to your interview with so and so from, you know, and I’m like that interview was three years ago. But if people are making an investment, and especially if you’re doing, like, if you have some higher end products or services and the thousands of dollars, or even beyond that, they want to feel like they’re doing their homework and they know you. So people will listen to podcast interviews, and be like, oh, my gosh, I just connected with that person. I feel like they’re the coach for me. They’re the person I want to hire. The service provider that will help me so it’s really effective. And that’s why I keep doing it.

Jaclyn Mellone  

And of course, I just had to Google myself to, of course. You’re exactly right. It’s so true. It’s so true. And in the internet marketing, online marketing world, a lot of times people are talking about these very linear strategies if you get this funnel, and you do this Facebook ad, and it’s like this very linear process. But that’s not typically how people make decisions of who they’re going to learn from or work with. And so there it’s this extra something with the media that we can’t exactly put our fingers on. I feel like I can’t exactly identify what it is. But when you layer that with other things that you’re doing, I love how you put it like with depth and variable to go deeper and really build more of a relationship with it. And it’s also this extra element that I feel like just makes everything else work so much easier. And it’s that domino effect of okay, maybe you’re looking to have these other opportunities or speaking opportunities, or raise your rates or anything like that. And the media can really help with that indirectly.

Selena Soo  

But it does. And just to add to that, Jaclyn, like a lot of people will say, let me wait until I have a book that’s coming out, or let me wait until I’m ready for the opportunity they’re dreaming up. And the thing is, it’s really important as entrepreneurs to be building our body of work not just our body of work, or people have already paid for our courses, but our work for other people who are searching or curious about us and like thinking about the long game, right? Because our body of work, that’s a big part of our brand.Let’s say if Oprah were to learn about you and their producer like, okay, we’re looking for. A guest for Super Soul Sunday, or whatever initiative on this topic. We’ve got two people to present. Oprah is going to Google you, right. And let’s say one person not much comes out. They don’t really have a presence online. They’re a bit of a mystery. And whereas someone else, they’re like googling, and Oprah’s like, oh, wow, they did this interview with this person. I’ve heard of that podcast, or Oh, they’re featured on this article. And that place, it actually shows that the person is more serious, because they actually care about their work. They’re consistently showing up and serving. And they’re creating that body of content that other people can experience. That person’s gonna get chosen to be seen as a real deal versus someone who seems like oh, they’re being a little bit lazy, or they don’t really care about putting their content out there. They don’t want to be that mainstream or household name and show up in that bigger way.

Jaclyn Mellone  

That person probably isn’t showing up at all, right? They’re probably not even being considered for those opportunities because they’re not on their radar for that. So that’s such a good point.

Selena Soo  

And the other thing is I’m not saying that people need to be pursuing media 24 seven. I understand that people are so busy in their business. But I would say like at least a couple of media opportunities, if you just were to pursue two or three media opportunities every quarter, that would be like 10 per year, you do that for three years, you’ve got 30 pieces of media, right? That’s substantial. When someone is googling you, that comes up in your media doesn’t disappear. People can continually find it. And you can use those media logos for the lifetime of your business. I always encourage people, whenever someone is like, ideally like landing on your website, and you can make a decision whether it’s a decision to let me opt in for this free gift. Let me stay on this webinar to the end. Let me buy this product, put your media logos front and center so that people can see. Like, wow, you are an expert. You’ve been endorsed by other people, other places, and that you’re the go to gal.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Absolutely, absolutely. Okay. You hinted at it a little bit there with like, well, let me wait until I insert a book or I update my website or whatever it is. What are some of those beliefs that you find people have a need to wait to do media until maybe they’re making a certain amount of money or something like that? What do you say to those? Is there a baseline that we should be looking for? Are these just all? No?

Selena Soo  

I mean, the question is basically like, am I ready? Which is a lot of people’s questions. And should I push it off? So first of all, just kind of debunk the myth that like you don’t have enough to share with the media, like you’re not ready yet. The thing is, if we have a business, there’s a reason why we have a business. We’ve got a personal passion. We’ve got a personal story. We have a philosophy. We’re not exactly the same as everyone else. But we have our own take on things. And plus, even if you don’t have clients yet, if you’re sharing content and your ideas on social media, or your blog or your newsletter, like you’re already creating content. So let’s get that content in the hands of more people in new places where other people can discover you or if you have paid clients or pro-bono clients, right? What are the questions that they’re constantly asking you? What are the problems? Where do people get really stuck, right? I mean, we all have so much to talk about. And if you have a course live it, then you’ve got plenty. You’ve got like a million things. It’s just getting the same content that you already have on other platforms so that new people can discover you.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Do you find I know when it comes to being a go to gal, some people have a really specific niche? And maybe they create websites for photographers, right? And it’s like, well, does media make sense because I have this specific niche. And that might be a specific area of expertise, and or that specific audience that they’re talking to? Can they still benefit from the media? 

Selena Soo  

Absolutely can. Because I think of media really broadly from everything like traditional media, to new media, through influencer platforms, experts. I don’t just mean like Instagram influencers, but people have authority that have built in audiences of people that learn from them that follow them. So it’s about identifying the right media opportunities for you. A technique that I have is asking your audience when it comes to and then fill in the blank for your expert topic, like when it comes to publicity, when it comes to relationship building, when it comes to creating a podcast. You know, whenever you have visibility, or any of that. What are the media outlets that you follow? And even parentheses like podcasts or websites, and who are the experts that you follow? So when they tell you the media outlets, you’re already creating your shortlist of okay, this is where like my ideal clients. My audience is hanging out to get information. So these are places I want to consider. But I really like the idea of asking who are the experts you follow, because then you can do what I call the follow the leader techniques. Something that I developed. So the idea of getting clear on at least five leaders in your industry, and then google them typing some keywords. So let’s say if you’re like, do something a little similar to me. Maybe this is a public speaking coach for entrepreneurs. They could type in Selena Soo, and then the word podcast. And instantly, you’re gonna see like, a dozen plus podcasts I’ve been featured on. And if you do that, for five people, before you know it, you’re gonna have a list of 50 plus places where you could be seen in the media. The other thing is, maybe it’s on a podcast, or maybe it’s not, a website, maybe it’s igtv. And it’s like a 10 minute interview that you’re doing with an influencer, who you could collaborate with. And maybe there’s an opportunity for you to support them, and for them to support you, and so forth. So it might not be mainstream. But you know, I think all of us need other influential human beings or media outlets to amplify our work. Like that’s only going to help us.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Absolutely. And this was so eye opening to me that in impacting millions, you talk about all of this. It’s not just getting featured in this very small defined media’s sense of being in a publication or being in a magazine, but that it could be being a guest expert in someone’s mastermind, or these other types of opportunities that maybe we don’t even think of as media.

Selena Soo  

Yeah, these are game changing opportunities. I might not be traditional media. But these are really powerful platforms to be connecting with people who could be ideal clients.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Absolutely, absolutely.

Selena Soo  

I mean, it is changing so much. And so that’s and we address all of that and impacting millions. So that’s how we have live Q&A calls.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yes, yes. So what are some of these hidden benefits of media that like, okay, we get to put our logos on our site or our sales pages, or maybe that’s sharing that big splashy article, but what are some of the other things either you’ve had, or some of your students have had that have come from getting media?

Selena Soo  

Yeah, so many things. I mean, I think it’s also the snowball effect. Like, as you start to get a lot of media people start discovering you and being like, hey, would you like to be on my show? Or can we feature you? So there’s that and there’s also like, all these opportunities unlocks.Sso once you start putting your ideas out there, maybe someone’s like, oh, I would actually love to partner with you and promote your products and services to my audience, or hey, can I bring you into my group program? Maybe you have an article that goes viral, and I’ve had people even be like, I got a book deal. So it’s not just publicity connected to publicity or other forms of speaking. Book deals, maybe stages that you hadn’t expected. Maybe it paves the way for a TED talk. Maybe you’re also sharing your story so many times on a podcast, and it’s actually helping you refine your message to prepare for a different kind of stage. There are people like our friend Farnoosh Torabi, she got in the media so much that like companies, big financial institutions, other brands are like, hey, can I hire you to be a brand spokesperson for us? You know, those opportunities can be tens of thousands, like six-figure opportunities. So a whole new world can open up for you.

Jaclyn Mellone  

It’s so true, and I don’t think those things are talked about enough. Oh, so thank you for shedding some light on some of those opportunities that happen behind the scenes there.

Selena Soo  

I have actually one more thing to say, Jacqueline, because for those of us that are maybe in kind of like the online business world, or we’re certain kinds of entrepreneurs, a lot of people don’t understand what we do, right? Maybe our parents don’t really get it, maybe our friends don’t really get it. But if you were to post on Facebook, oh my gosh, I just got featured on Forbes. People were like, I get that like, oh my gosh, that’s crazy. Like your business has really blown up. And it could have been blowing up in other ways. But that’s the thing that they understand. Or I even know, when I was looking to hire team members for my company, some people didn’t really get what I did, but they saw like, oh, this expert has been featured in Forbes. That was credibility, even explained to the person’s husband. Like, I’m going to join this company, and an expert has been featured in Forbes or that credibility. So it’s something that really like mainstream people, a larger audience understands. Whereas they’re not gonna understand like, oh, I just had 800 people on a webinar. It’s like, what’s a webinar? Or what’s the funnel? Or what’s it like, I don’t understand your business.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Oh, that is so true. One of the first mentions in the media that I had gotten was in Reader’s Digest, and nobody follows me even like, pay attention to Reader’s Digest. But my family, my grandma, like everyone thought. This is like the biggest deal in the world. Oh, and it’s those little things. And not that’s why we do it. But it does. It adds this extra layer of credibility, whatever the credibility is of those platforms. It’s almost like that’s kind of rubbing off on us a little bit by having those mentions or features there. Exactly. Alright, so recently, you shared your story. And this is something that with the media, sometimes we do think about, should I share a personal story? Or how personal do I get and I was personally so moved by you sharing your story. And I know you’ve impacted probably millions by sharing your own story. But what made you decide to do that, tell us a little bit about that. And I want to talk about this because I know this is something some people struggle with. And we’ll get to all of it. But I just want to kind of say where my head is at with what some people think like. I don’t know if I want to share all of that. Or if I do, how do I protect myself from feeling so vulnerable? Or from the questions or assumptions that are going to come after it’s really opening up in a big way? Like that is a big deal. So I know not everyone has to maybe get vulnerable and share such a personal story. But I’d love for you to share a little bit about what inspired you to do that and how it all went for you.

Selena Soo  

Yeah, absolutely. I know that you’re gonna link up the story in the show notes. So as a piece I wrote on medium called I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, even as a smart and successful woman basically just kind of like cliff notes of the story. I met someone who kind of swept me off my feet, wined and dined me. They’re always over the top dramatic gestures. Love learning that term is love bombing. I felt like this was the kind of Prince Charming that I waited for my whole life. And the person started to get involved in my business. At first I’m like, wow, this person is so into me. There’s such a supporter, there’s such a fan. And this person is actually really smart. And like, I appreciate what they have to say, but it became a situation where the person was controlling, and got me to isolate myself. I kind of saw my friends and colleagues as competitors, and saw my team members as people that like I couldn’t trust and would say that they don’t respect you. They don’t see you as a CEO. And there are a lot of things that were done to make me basically isolate myself and distance myself and have this person kind of be the center of my life as he took more and more steps to take control of my business and control the company’s finance limiting my pay. Like all these weird things. That it’s like, how do I even get into this situation, but it was manipulative, and super confusing. And when you’re in love with someone, you make excuses for them, or usually things are not always 100% bad, but there’s good. But there’s a lot of bad and your judgment gets clouded. Anyways, I just found myself in a situation where I was like, I have to break free of this, I did break free the first time. And then I came back into the relationship when he had said, you know, I’m going to work with a therapist, I’m going to change and this is not the real me and all of that. And then I left like a final time. And so I shared my story, because I really wanted to remove the shame. I think a lot of the reasons why people stay in these situations longer than they should is they know that they’re not treated right, that something is wrong. But there’s all these other things, I love the person. Maybe I can change him, I want to fix the relationship, I want to show up for whatever it is, right? So we have these reasons that we’re like, we’re afraid of other people’s like judgment and people looking down on us or thinking that we’re stupid. So we just kind of keep it inside and other times like we’re just so busy with our lives. It’s like what am I gonna find time to leave or this feels too difficult or maybe for some people. There are financial considerations for children and it’s just like so complicated, so they know it’s bad, but there’s reasons why it feels difficult to lead plus, they’re being liked, manipulated by someone. And it’s very confusing. So I want to take away the shame so that people realize what this can happen to anyone. After I released my story, people said to me, a lot of people, essentially, I have the same story, just different details. Like a lot of questions, thank you for saying something and speaking out. And one woman who actually, I follow her online, I admire her so much, and she’s so strong and outspoken and beautiful. And she was in a situation like this too. And, you know, you just never know. And so part of it was to help others part of it was also in a way to, to support myself on my own healing journey. So you know, when we’re in abusive situations, one way that we are controlled is through silence, right? Like the fear of speaking out. And if you speak out, or if you do this, or this, and you know, all these things are going to happen to you. And for me, I was like, I don’t want this to be like a secret in my life, I have to hold forever, because then I’m giving that person power over me. And I just want to share my story to help other people and then be able to move on from the experience in terms of it not controlling me. So yeah, I mean, it felt very liberating, very freeing. And also, even though I help people, yes, with growing their business through publicity, and making their biggest impact, it’s not just about the strategies and tactics, I also care about the human being right behind it. And so I think for any of us, if we’re caught in abusive situations, whether it’s with a loved one, with a mentor, with a business partner, with a team member, that’s going to prevent us from showing up as our most joyful, fully expressed self. And I’ve helped other people build their platforms to get an important message. And now that I have a platform, I was like, this is something that I think can change lives. I just really want to help people in this area through my story. I don’t feel like I have to be like this full time, but just by sharing your story that creates a big transformation.

Jaclyn Mellone  

It does. And, you know, a lot of times housing before with business, we feel like it has to be so linear. And even with the media, sometimes it’s like, okay, well, what are these exact niche publications where I can talk about my area of expertise. But most of us if we sit down and think about why we are in business? Why are we doing this what impact we want to make, or even just what stories do we have that could be helping others. That’s what it’s all about, right? And being able to share our own stories and make an impact and help other people that might be in the same situation. Maybe we’re not even doing it for the publicity, right. But to know that we’re making that impact, know that because we have a business and a platform. We can make that impact. And maybe it also comes back in other ways in our business, because we’re showing up as humans, and so people are connecting with us on that level, and not just seeing us as this robot that teaches on a topic. 

Selena Soo  

Yeah, no, I love what you say. Because I think for me, like naturally, I’ve been really comfortable in that expert role and focus on like other people. And these are the steps that you take, and this is how I help you. They did even find that like people have said, like as they’re joining or researching impacting millions, I want to know who Selena is right beyond just like the expert, you know. And so I shared like, more personal things, because I’m not someone who’s naturally like. I’m not someone who’s just constantly sharing about myself in my personal life, it’s just not natural. So I had to make a conscious effort. But then with this story, it was kind of more of a personal mission. And for me, it’s like, I just want every single person to read my story, because it can help them support a friend or a loved one who’s in this situation. But yeah, it also just shows a fuller picture of yourself because like, the dots do connect, and I started my business because of this quarter life crisis I had originally and just being clinically depressed at the time. And then learning about these experts and inspirational personalities in my life being turned around. I really feel like the most powerful way to help people is through our personal story. And who we are as human beings, a lot of times also now people don’t just care about how smart you are. It’s like what is this person’s values? Am I aligned with them? Can I relate to them? What are their motivations? What are the things that they care about? Just beyond business and the numbers. So you know, I think it just makes business more rewarding to be able to show up as your full self.

Jaclyn Mellone  

So, so true when you were writing your story and when you were sharing it, did you take any steps to protect yourself, protect your energy? I know sometimes when I’ve shared something really vulnerable, I have a massive vulnerability hangover afterwards and maybe I don’t want to be taking questions from people or I’m afraid of what people are going to think. Or I don’t know, all those things that come up after we share something. Was there anything that you did to help yourself prepare for that or even afterwards to protect yourself?

Selena Soo  

That is such a good question. Because when you’re releasing something that can feel like a bombshell. You know, I don’t think anyone saw that coming. You kind of want to get ready for it. So there’s a couple of things. So first, in writing my story, I knew that I wanted to write something that was going to be really powerful. And so I had other friends and colleagues take a look at it before I published it for the general public. And so they really helped me refine my story and work through things. There were also a couple people like it’s interesting. They happened to be mad, but they weren’t as supportive as others, but everyone’s got different viewpoints. But there is kind of that school of thought that by releasing your story, that you’re perpetuating drama, or you’re creating more drama in your life, and kind of the idea that everything that happens to you is because of you, which I think there’s a part of that that’s true. And I think we can’t just count the fact that there are people that are abusive and manipulative, and that we get caught in situations. And that responsibility is on both sides, not just on one person, but it was helpful even to get like not supportive feedback from like, one or two people because it was like, okay, I got to process it and deal with it, before I open it up to like the many thousands, tens of thousands plus that read my article. So that was good. And I had friends who were like,I want you to dig deeper. I hear that your axe said these things did these things to you. But when that happened, like, what were you thinking about in the moment? And why did you go back to him and this and this, and this. And it was hard, like I remember waking up in the mornings, and my throat hurt. Like I was losing my voice, my body, my arms were shaking, and I wasn’t even talking a lot more than I normally do. But I think, emotionally, a lot came up for me. And so I would say, when you’re sharing a personal story, don’t rush yourself. It’s not like you write it. And then two days later, you’re publishing it. For me, it was probably about a little over five weeks between when I started writing it to when I published it. So that was really key. And then I also like, that was my team. And I’m like, I don’t know what’s going to happen. When I released this article. I don’t know how many people are going to email or if people want me to personally advise them. Because that’s not my expertise. And so, with the article, we made sure to share some resources with people with really helpful resources from experts. So there was that, and my team was on standby, just ready to support because there’s messages coming in through email, through Instagram, through Facebook, their student groups, there’s the partner groups of people who support getting my work out into the world. And we knew that things could be coming from all angles. I was also ready for any kind of legal next steps that would happen from the other side. And I had two sets of lawyers review the article in depth, including someone that specializes in defamation law. And so there were certain things where, if I didn’t have the direct quote, from a text message, or something else, say, I recall him saying or something along the lines of. And so there was, and that’s why it was like five weeks, because there was like, so much. So I’m like, okay, there’s always a risk, but it’s like, I did everything I could, and I’m ready for it. For me, it was worth it, too. And I knew like, I don’t want other people to go through the same thing. I mean, of course, these situations happen, but we can support and protect other women through our stories and through these resources. And I wasn’t going to make my biggest impact, just arguing with him in a corner or whatever my biggest impact or trying to get him to stop because oftentimes. When people are like this, you can’t really, they’re just gonna be like this ongoing, but the way that he’s gonna make the biggest difference is sharing my story with tens of thousands. I mean, I believe that multiple tens of thousands have read the article, but you don’t want to keep talking on this message. So eventually, it’s going to reach hundreds of thousands and maybe even millions. That’s how I’m gonna make my biggest impact.

Jaclyn Mellone  

So powerful. Okay, well, on that note fleeman. How can we stay in touch with you? And how can we start putting some of our own ideas for our own story or media? What’s the next step we can take with learning about media and publishing? Yeah.

Selena Soo  

Oh my gosh. So the next step is so exciting because as you know, Jaclyn, once a year, I released my three part, impacting millions of publicity video series. So this is actually totally free. And they can go to jaclynmellone.com/slash/selena to get those videos. But what’s really cool is with each video, there is a free gift that accompanies it. So the first gift is a list of 200 media outlets so people can start getting their wheels turning about the places where they can be featured in different podcasts, the top podcasts, websites, magazines, yours is in the list, of course Jaclyn. You want to check that out. And then there is also my 12-month publicity calendar. So this is 40 plus pages full of story ideas and dates and special hunts and ways to get into the media so people can check that out too. Then I also have a seven-step publicity action plan because when it comes to publicity, there are a series of steps you want to take to make sure you’re getting the right publicity and also to really maximize the impact in your business, so it does lead to clients and new opportunities. So if people go to jaclynmellone.com/selena. S-E-L-E-N-A. They’re going to get the three videos and they’re short, they’re easy to digest and put into action right away. They’re going to get the 200 media outlets. They’re going to get the 40-page publicity calendar. And they’re going to get a seven step action plan like 100% for free. And it’s only during this time of year that we release it. So if they’re listening to this right now, go ahead and run and grab that.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Amazing. 

Selena Soo  

Yes, I know sorry. If you’re listening to this in the future, this is not available all of the time. So hopefully, as many of you as possible are listening. While this is available, do you want to share and this is like it’s huge. So when people sign up for the videos, they have a chance to win an all expenses paid trip to Puerto Rico. And that’s where I live, I just feel like it’s the best place and who doesn’t want to be dipping their toes in the sand and drinking a pina colada. And so we’ll fly you out to Puerto Rico. The winner, I’ll meet with a winner, offer them some mentoring and support and they’re also going to come to a really fun entrepreneurs dinner party to expand their network. And so all you need to do is sign up for the video series, watch the videos which are short and powerful and super valuable, and answer a few simple questions to enter to win that trip.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Amazing. All right, thank you so so much, Selena. I am just so inspired by our conversation and really every time I connect with you. So thank you for sharing so openly and for giving us so many ideas to think about how we can really be putting ourselves out there in a bigger way. Can I just say thank you so much for listening. I don’t think I say it enough. But I love that you are here. If you enjoyed today’s episode or if you’ve been getting value from this podcast, do me a quick favor. Head on over to iTunes and leave a rating and review. When you leave a rating and review. It basically tells iTunes that they need to spread the word and tell more people about this podcast and I am on a mission to get the word out. I’m so grateful for your support. We want to make sure to shout you out too. So if you do leave a rating review. Keep your eyes and ears open. We will be either shouting out the podcast or Instagram stories.