What Does it Take to Actually Feel Fulfilled? Insights from Cassandra McCrory

Jaclyn Mellone

Welcome to Go-To Gal episode number 203. I hope you can hear me right now, and I hope that the audio doesn’t sound terrible. I am having an issue with my mic. I traveled a little bit with it. Sometimes I can just throw it in a bag, maybe not be as careful as I should be with it. And it’s apparently been not sounding good. So I have a new mic on the way but I needed to record this intro, and I am mic-less. So hopefully, the audio is okay. The good news for you is the rest of this podcast episode is done with the proper mic. So it’s just the intro that may sound a little bit less than stellar. 

All right, today’s episode is all about fulfillment. Now, with the word fulfillment, I feel like lately, I’ve been doing episodes with words that I feel just carry a lot of stigma around them. So maybe you’re like, yes Jaclyn, I want to be fulfilled. Or maybe you’re like, okay, this feels like some exercise of, are you going to feel fulfilled when you’re 88 years old? What are you going to look back on and what’s going to fulfill you then? That’s a great exercise to do. What I’ve realized is that fulfillment is not a destination. Fulfillment is really the magic of the journey. And how do we embrace feeling fulfilled now along the way to stay in alignment and help us to be growing our businesses not just for that outcome of I want to hit this goal but to feel fulfilled and enjoy the journey along the way? I truly, I believe and I’ve seen firsthand that when we’re in that head-down hustle, I have time for it, you know, I’ll feel fulfilled later kind of mindset. Sure, maybe we can crank out some quick results. But they’re not going to last because we’re out of alignment. And when we’re able to get an alignment which also is very buzzwordy like, what does it mean to be in alignment? For me, and a lot of this conversation will explore it, it’s feeling fulfilled along the way. It’s building a business in the way I want to be running a business because they should be one and the same. Having my role be in my business and how I’m showing up the coinciding with the life I want to be living and how I want to be living in my life. And not that there can’t be different ways of doing things at different stages, and gosh, especially as I started my business and very soon after in 2015 and found out that I was pregnant with Marshall, who is now five and in kindergarten. 

So things have changed a lot over the last five years. And my priorities have changed, my goals have changed, the way I want to work, how many hours I want to work, and what that looks like changes. So that’s obviously going to evolve over time. I’m off tangent now. But that’s it. Cass, our guest today who is incredible, and I’m lucky enough to live like a couple of miles away from. Cass and I, and Meg Casebolt have a very informal local mastermind where the three of us meet every other week or so, and get to be in real life and have coffee and talk business. And it’s been so good for me, and I just love those ladies. Now, Cass, during one of our recent coffee masterminds had been asking me some questions that really got me thinking. I’m not going to go on the whole tangent, but essentially, I was going on a little bit of a rant about how the whole thoughts create things. There’s this whole method, I’m not going to go into it, but there’s this whole thing that’s very, probably you have heard it because a lot of people in our industry repeated all the time, but that it’s your thoughts create your feelings, and that which create your actions or something.

And so you need to change your thoughts and that’s going to shift your feelings and your actions, and that’s going to lead to a different outcome. I might be saying this wrong, but for me, the thoughts don’t create feelings. And so it was going on this whole rant and I’m like, yes, that doesn’t work for me. That’s not how my brain works. It just doesn’t work. I don’t know, maybe for some basic things it does. But for things I’m really stuck on, just shifting my thoughts around it does not work. I’ve had to do these other things. And that led us to a whole conversation around what motivates me. And that is something that I’ve had some clarity on, but also not enough clarity on. And so having this conversation with Cass, really she was asking me some deep questions, making me think about things in a different way, and really crystallizing some things that I was clear on but not crystal clear. That’s going to sound really cheesy, but I’m just going with it. 

And so helping me to really solidify those things of, oh yes, that’s it. I was dancing around this, but that is it. And as she was asking me these questions, and I was realizing how powerful it was and I loved how she thought process around all of this like, Cass, can you come on the podcast and talk about those? And lucky for us, she said yes. And we did not get to finish our conversation that day, so even better, we really get to have most of it on the podcast recorded for your listening pleasure. Now, this is not a coaching session or anything like that. It’s definitely a dialogue and an interview with Cass. But I share a little bit about my own thought process, my own connecting the dots a little bit, which you may or may not relate to, but just I think always hearing someone else take information and apply it helps me figure out how to do the same for myself. Because information on its own is great, but it does not lead to transformation. It’s the taking it and putting it into context and actually doing something with it that is going to help you step into that and actually feel like you’re in alignment, and feel fulfilled, and enjoy the journey.

That’s what it’s all about. Why are you doing it if you don’t want to enjoy it? Okay, I could go on and on about this all day. But I want to formally introduce you to Cass, and then we will dive in in all the good stuff but really, it’s going to help you figure out how to in alignment, feel, and truly feel fulfilled with what you do. And I was really surprised when I will say this conversation with Cass, I did not realize my true motivator. You may have heard me say before on the podcast that I’m not money motivated, and my conversation with Cass that day in the coffee shop helped me figure out what it really was that motivates me.

And now that I know that, I like to weave it into everything and I was dancing around it, but it’s helped so much. So I’m excited. This is very inspiring, but also very actionable. Cass tells us exactly what to do to figure this out for ourselves. I feel like the timing of this conversation at the end of the year is just perfect. So listen, enjoy, but also take notes, do the work. I would love for you to implement this in your own life, especially as you’re putting your 2022 goals together. All right, let me formally introduce you to Cass. 

Cass McCrory is a sought-after marketing strategist, speaker, and trainer advising large enterprises and individuals, as they take their message and products to their target audience. Cass is passionate about doing work and life with great intention. And that intentionality leads to fulfillment and success for projects and most importantly, for people. All right, let’s get to it. Here is my conversation with Cass.

Oh, Cass, I’m so excited to have you here today. 

Cassandra McCrory

Thank you. I am so excited to be here with you. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Yes. Okay, before we dive in because we have a lot to dive into today, before we get started, though, take us back to when you were growing up, what were you the go-to gal for back then?

Cassandra McCrory

I have always been about business. I played business. I had a little cardboard desk. I would staple papers to it. And if people felt like they had a problem, I was going to help them solve it my whole life. You can’t outgrow yourself. You cannot. 

Jaclyn Mellone

I love this. Did you have people in your life that were modeling this for you or it was innate? 

Cassandra McCrory

Yes, I think so. My dad is an entrepreneur. He’s a farmer, and he’s got an incredible work ethic. My mom was always intrapreneurial in her work so she was always looking at how can we make this process better? And how can we do this in a more efficient way? And she’s like the most efficient human being I’ve ever met. We just moved. I feel like without my mom involved in it, it would be so much worse. So much worse. I had a lot of people in my life that were willing to encourage me to be in my own imaginary world as much as I wanted it to be, and that was lovely. 

Jaclyn Mellone

I love that. Oh, okay, and I could see this tying into so many things. So let’s fast forward to today and tell us, what do you do and who do you help?

Cassandra McCrory

Sure. So a lot of my work is around how your values play into your intentions, and then how those values and intentions plug you into the action that you need to take so that you can make your mark in the world. And for really big companies, support them with their executives so that they know how to be online and how they can make their social influence one that is professionally impactful. And then for women, I’ve been always really drawn to, how can I help women feel that feeling of fulfillment and alignment? Because it was something that I felt really drawn to. And once I figured it out in pencil, mind you, I’m figuring it out still in pencil. Once I got there, I was like, oh, I wanted to try to help as many people as I can with that. Yes, that’s what I do. 

Jaclyn Mellone

I love the in-pencil caveat here. Oh, but it’s so true though because it’s also always changing too. I feel like the seasons of our life change or we change. So many different things, it’s an evolution. I feel like it’s not something we can look at that’s just static. Check the box. We got that done. Now I’m going to feel fulfilled forever. 

Cassandra McCrory

Yes, I think I had approached most of my twenties and the beginning of my thirties with this once and for all mentality. I was going to figure out what I was going to do, and then I was going to do that thing forever. And then when I was really miserable, I got upset and angry because I thought I had made once and for all decisions. And it turns out that I hate once and for all decisions that I am best served by having a decision in this season, and then giving myself that grace and permission to let the season change whenever it needs to.

Jaclyn Mellone

Ooh. Okay, thank you, it’s like you just walked us right into this beautiful conversation. So do you leave it open, like it can change when it needs to? Or do you attach a timeline for this season to it? 

Cassandra McCrory

Yes, that’s a great question. I tend to break up my seasons. So my birthday happens to be at the end of August, and so I’ll look at it at my birthday because that’s a natural inflection point. And then I’ll look at it again at the end of the year. But since having kids, that’s even shifted more because now it’s, I will look at the season of the summer and I will look at the season of the fall in terms of their fall school plans and their activities. We unexpectedly moved. So at completely disrupted what I thought was going to be this fall season, and I was like, okay, we’re looking at a six-week season of us moving. How do I want to live in that six weeks? How do I want it to feel? I don’t want to just get through. That is not good enough for me. So how do I actually want it to go, and be intentional about it? So you can decide if that feels good for you. If the structure of saying, I decide this on a seasonal basis and I have a quarterly meeting, like, please get out of your quarterly meeting. But if you are somebody that’s like, well, I was just handed a whole bowl full of lemons, and now I need to figure it out a new. You get to do that.

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh, such a great point. And what I love about this is the focus on enjoying the journey. And that feeling of fulfillment, the fulfillment isn’t the destination we’re trying to get to, but it’s an experience that we’re having. And that is crucial.

Cassandra McCrory

Yes, it is. I had a moment. One of my lifelong things was I wanted to be in Oprah Magazine. Do you know what happened when I was in Oprah Magazine? Not a damn thing. Nothing, nothing happened. 

Jaclyn Mellone

I totally know that feeling. Yes, no. A thousand percent, yes. 

Cassandra McCrory

And it was in that moment where I’m like, well, I’ve just had this huge accomplishment. This is the thing that I had wanted for my whole life. And it’s now happened, and it has left me no residual joy. I just thought, wow. So striving for these big milestones is perhaps not the best way to live my life.

Jaclyn Mellone

Which is really hard to wrap your head around if you’re the person who is striving for those big milestones, or the person who’s still having that dream and it’s like, oh, that’s easy for you to say, Cass, because now you’ve already been in Oprah Magazine. But I really want to be in Oprah Magazine, and that’s still really important to me. And I have really been there before with a number of things where you hear people and their words sound so wise and inspiring, but you’re like, but I still really want the thing. It’s hard to sometimes realize that before you’ve had those experiences. Especially in our businesses, you’re on a bigger level. Not just looking back at it, maybe early on in our career or even successes people have had in high school or college, it’s hard to, I don’t know. I know that I have felt like, oh, but that feels like I’m just giving up. 

Cassandra McCrory

Ah, see, I think it’s so interesting because I can see that completely. Totally. And I think it’s good to have goals. It is. It’s great to have bigger ambitions. And listen, the sticker chart of Oprah is still on my life list, and it’s filled in and I’m going to celebrate that.   And I’m no longer willing to sacrifice daily joy for some bigger joy payoff that may come in the future.

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh, okay. Well, we got our quote card from the episode. We could just check that box off. I love it. Oh, okay, wait and I have to ask, is this an actual sticker thing that you have going on? The sticker chart or it was just metaphorical… Tell me what is happening here. This sticker chart, I need to know.

Cassandra McCrory

This is so funny. So there was this woman, Andrea, and she actually has a book coming out very soon, Creative Wonder. And she had a course called, Mondo Beyondo, which was about living a life beyond your wildest dreams. And in this course, she walked you through. Putting out 101 Bucket List Style Mondo Beyondo, beyond your wildest dreams things. And so, I did this and I still have the original paper that I wrote it on. And this was back in 2008. I was a month postpartum with Lexi. My marriage dissolved in the two weeks after Lexi was born. It was a terrible season. And this woman just invited me to dream really big in ways that were so uncomfortable because it required such a leap of faith and belief. And so I still have the physical piece of paper and I’ve got little stickers next to it. And then I also have an Evernote because I love lists and I love Evernote. In Evernote, and I’ve got my little check boxes next to things too. And I’m no longer looking at it as a to-do list, I’m looking at how magically aligned some of these things can come into being.

Jaclyn Mellone 

Ooh. Okay, explain that a little bit more because I love that the list hasn’t necessarily changed, but your perspective of it has changed, so elaborate on that. How are you viewing this now? What do you mean by that? 

Cassandra McCrory

So initially, and I think this is the way that most people naturally know like, oh, you have a goal, you look at that goal, you decide on your action steps and then you take steps every single day to get there. That makes sense. You’re making progress towards a goal. We think of it like running a race, and so we do that. And that’s what I did for a lot of those things, I would say, okay, I would want to do X, Y, and Z, and so now, I’m glued to focus my energy and my time and my money investments into making those things happen. And it was successful except for, it wasn’t all that fun to do it. So when I shifted it to, okay, I’m going to do what is joyful, that is in alignment with my personal values. I wanted to prioritize that. And then I’m going to see how these amazing things that I, one day, wished for can come into being without me efforting the whole way. I am such a good try hard, I am. I know this about myself. I think the kids now, they call me pick me’s. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh God, that’s so mean. 

Cassandra McCrory

It is. I could effort my way. The only thing you have to do is tell me that I can’t do something, and you will see me move. I will do that. But it always has felt out of alignment. It’s always felt hard like I needed to prove something to somebody else as opposed to just being me. And so, my happiness with myself was always tied up in other people. And when I realized that that wasn’t a really safe way to live, things needed to radically shift.

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh, okay. I just connected. You just helped me connect some dots that I hadn’t really connected because I have done a lot of work around this whole pride in working hard, and that is so ingrained in me and in my family. It’s like every level. But when I look at some of the major paradigm-shifting opportunities that I had to have that have not come from working hard, and that’s really weird to say or talk about. But it also feels like, well, what does that even mean then to not work hard? But I have never connected the dot with the effort before, and I am so a pick me. I’ll stay after class and I’ll wipe the chalkboard down for the extra credit. Also, and I think, this is probably common in our generation, but my parents were so, which I think was really great. This is not me complaining about that, but they always made it about like, we don’t care what your grade is. We want to really look at the effort. And so, of course, I value the effort so much. Because of that, which that was something that’s like, okay, we’re not just going to get mad at you if you don’t have an A. We’re going to say, look, you put in an A-worthy effort, so we’re proud of you for that.

So that wasn’t a bad thing, necessarily. But I think at a point in our careers when we start looking at that and yes, oh gosh, I need to go process this. But no, I feel like you just unlocked another level of this whole work-hard thing with the effort attached to it. I really relate to that. 

Cassandra McCrory

I think it’s so fun when we get to this moment of unlocking a new level. And I love the equating of it to like a video game. You unlock a new level, you get to a harder level. It’s not easier as you go farther along, it is harder. And that is on purpose because you are stronger to handle it.   And so when we look at the situation and we’re looking at, oh, I’ve just come to the next level and I just figured out something, I unlocked something that was really big for me personally, great. Now you get to apply that in a way that makes you even better. 

Jaclyn Mellone

I’m not a big video game player, but I do think in terms of that. So of course, my language probably reflects that. But no, this is really, and I’m trying to think that there’s this really cliche thing that coaches say, and I am forgetting what it is. It’s never made sense to me. It’s like, what does it mean to, and it’s not let go. There’s like, oh, what’s this word? It’s not coming to me. Maybe it’ll come to me as we’re talking. But it’s like the opposite of effort. 

Cassandra McCrory

Surrender. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Surrender, of course, you knew what I was talking about. What does that even mean to surrender? It’s like a very coach-y thing to say. Having conversations with people about it, maybe there’s like a biblical meaning to it and that might be why don’t get it. But you identify with the words? Is this surrendering what we’re talking about, do you identify at all with the word surrender? 

Cassandra McCrory

I don’t, but I think that part of it is you can effort and you can go against the current, or you can go with the current and go with the flow. And flow, to me, is the opposite of effort. Flow is saying, I am willing. I’m willing to go at that pace. And I’m really curious about how it’s going to go for me. And I suspect that it will be much more joyful because all of my experience confirms that.

Jaclyn Mellone

Yes. And that word, I relate to so much. And that’s really been one of my biggest motivators is flow and getting into flow, and staying in flow and just going with the flow. Because when I don’t go into flow, when I’m fighting the flow, everything is really freaking hard. So yes, that makes a lot of sense. And I really connect with that. And some people, if you are listening and you connect with the word surrender, I’m not judging that. But I think it’s sad sometimes, and almost feels like, well, maybe if I buy this coaching package, then I’ll understand what surrender means, or I don’t know. And it’s just, I’ve never been able to find a connection with that word. But flow, I really do. Oh, okay. So there are so many places I want to go with this conversation with you, and I think a big part of it is just this stepping into enjoying the process in a way that we’re able to enjoy the process.

Okay, I’m going to say something that I might regret, because I normally do not quote this person on the podcast. But he did say something good that I’m going to quote. So Russell Brunson said once, so it’s a Russell Brunson quote. I don’t always quote Russell Brunson, but this is a very, I think, profound thing that he said once. And he was basically like, I can tell when I meet people at events who are going to be successful and who are not usually just from a conversation. And you’re like, okay, that’s kind of a cocky thing to say like, what goes on in this conversation? And what he said was, the people who were only focused on the outcome, he knew were likely not going to be able to make it. But the people who are really excited about the process of building their business, not just the, I want to make X amount of money or have this business, but that they really loved and were just so passionate about the process that he knew those people would be successful whether it was this thing or the next thing because that’s what it takes. And that really resonated with me because it is, it’s so much about the process. Because the end result, the being in Oprah magazine, if it’s just about that, you don’t really feel that. It’s the everyday feeling that keeps you going, that helps you get to the moments where you get the Oprah magazine, right? 

Cassandra McCrory

Yes. I love that. And then I think the process, this journey when you realize, this all came to head for me when I realized that I had already spent most of my alive time with my daughter, that it was already in the rearview. Lexi’s 13, and I had read this blog post and I’ll pull it up and I’ll send it to you so they can put it in the show notes. But there were basically like, by the time you hit 12, you’ve already spent 80% of the time that you will ever spend with your family. 

Jaclyn Mellone

What? I’m like, okay, I know your daughter is not… that I’m trying to math in my head. What does this mean? Oh my God. Okay, carry on. I’m struggling and sitting down thankfully. 

Cassandra McCrory

As a teenager and college, and then as a grownup, how much time do you actually spend with your family? It gets less and less and less the older they get. Now, I am very lucky. I get to spend a lot of time with my parents, my mom in particular. But most people don’t. Most people, by the time they graduate from college, they’ve spent 90% of the time that they will spend with their families in their lifetime already. And when I had that realization of the truth of that, wow, me, wishing away another week because this is hard. That is not so good. Me, wishing away a grade or a month or a hard season, that’s not helping me.

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh gosh, that is such a crazy, powerful statistic. Yes, it makes you start looking at your priorities in a very different way. So that leads me to what inspired us even jump on to have this conversation for the podcast of, okay, we can talk about this. And I almost think fulfillment is one of those words that is thrown around and it’s like, what does it mean? And can sound fluffy, but it’s a real feeling. And it’s about creating, going through this whole global pandemonium that we’re in right now and everything. I think it does put things in perspective, and we want, I mean I know I want to feel a certain way in my business. And sometimes we get into corners of our business that don’t light us up as much as they used to, or we’re feeling burned out especially because we’re not getting a lot of that external stuff that maybe we used to from the society before all of this, which is a whole other conversation. But taking something that feels abstract and fluffy, I love how you think about it. And you’ve broken it down into like, okay, this is how you actually feel fulfillment. These are the things that you need to know. This is what you can evaluate. And I was really fascinated by this conversation, so I’m excited that we get to have this on the actual podcast. Oh, so what goes into that? Let’s start breaking this down. 

Cassandra McCrory

Okay. So at the highest level, every human being has three resources that they’re working with. And Brief Firestone introduce me to these three resources. And I know that she didn’t originate it, but this is somebody else’s work. So this is like a filtering down of a lot of different people’s work. But you have three resources, you have time, so how you spend your time. You have energy, which is a little bit softer to identify because energy is not like a block on your calendar. Energy is more of a, what fuels you versus what depletes you. And then you have money. You have those three resources. Usually, you’ll have a primary resource that motivates you. Some people are very motivated by money, and so they will do whatever it takes to have that primary motivation of money fulfilled. Other people are really motivated by freedom, and so time is their primary driver. Other people are like, I cannot be depleted. My energy reserves me being able to show up in my life with energy, that is the biggest thing. And so I do anything that I don’t want to do, and energy is my primary resource.

We all have all three, but usually, you have a lead. And if you can’t identify it, then just be aware of it for a week and it’ll come to light. It will because you’ll be like, oh wow, I was just very, very sensitive about something. And what was it threat? Was it your time? Was it your energy or your money? Your sensitivity will always reveal your primary resource. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh, okay. Our sensitivity will always reveal our primary resource. So if it’s not obvious to us of, oh, that’s the one. And even if you think it’s obvious, I think this is worth re-examining because sometimes we take on what people think is our primary motivator should be. Especially in this industry where I feel like our online business industry as a whole is constantly marketing, promoting, money and freedom as catchy marketing things. So you may just be around some really influential, compelling people that have convinced you that one of those two is your primary, or maybe it’s not. So I think that’s worth evaluating. For someone who’s not sure, I love this idea of exploring where the sensitivity is. Can you think of your situation that would bring that up? 

Cassandra McCrory

So I can tell you that my primary driver is time. And so when I am sensitive, when I am annoyed, it is because somebody has made me wait or I feel like they have wasted my time. I know that my primary resource driver is time because that is where I am most sensitive. If somebody is like, oh, this is an extra thousand dollars, I’m like, yes, okay, whatever, here you go. It doesn’t impact me. But if that same person, let’s say it’s a plumber, if the plumber shows up 40 minutes late, please, you were dead to. So that’s an example of how I know for sure that my primary driver is time. Now, if you are somebody that has their primary driver is energy. If you have found yourself in the corners of your closet being like, I cannot go to dinner at your parents’ house. It just trains me. It’s so painful. I don’t want to do this. You can’t make me go to the PTA meeting. You’re probably an introvert, yes. And you’ll also have a very keen resource of energy that is very sensitive. And if yours is money, then it might be, oh yes, the plumber was 50 minutes late, but he gave me a hundred dollars off so it was no problem.

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh, interesting. 

Cassandra McCrory

It’s like getting a deal. It’s like, if you were heading to TJ Maxx and Marshalls on Tuesdays because that’s when they put out the best deals, then your primary driver may be money. And there’s no wrong. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Totally. 

Cassandra McCrory

It’s good to know because when you have that knowledge, you can make some different decisions. 

Jaclyn Mellone

And I think looking at if you’re not self-aware enough to look at it in a couple of different scenarios, a couple of different angles because I could think of, so my primary motivator, which you helped me realize I had never thought of it in this context before. And my primary motivator, which I think was probably abundantly obvious to both of us very quickly was energy. I had never heard people talk about that because everybody talks about time and money, nobody talks about energy. And of course, mine is energy. But just hearing you give these examples, it’s interesting because if I was waiting for the plumber, I would also be really annoyed. And I might even use the same language that they wasted my time, but it would be because I was doing something I would want to be doing. Not because I value efficiency with my time, but that would be something boring and annoying, and it would take me away from something that I would want to be doing, and so it would also frustrate me. Or in terms of the money thing of where it can also get a little muddy, and want to bring this up because I don’t know, I feel like there are probably other people out there like me that have energy. And I think it’s a less talked about one. So if your primary motivator is energy, you may have to dig a little deeper. So one of the things that I love to do is go, I’m not even going to make it cool and say thrift shopping like I love secondhand shopping. It could be at Goodwill, it could be at once upon a child. When I was in high school, it was salvation army, or it could be a fancy thrift store, but I love secondhand shopping. It’s not about saving money, it’s the thrill, it’s the hunt. 

Cassandra McCrory

Yes, it’s the energetic gain you get from it. 

Jaclyn Mellone

But it could look like, oh my gosh, I just got this, which I do. I’ll find Patagonia jackets for my kids for 20 bucks. And they’ll wear them for a year and I’ll sell them the next year for 45 online. So I could make it sound like it’s about money, but it’s really not. It’s the thrill of the hunt that I really enjoy. I like to go by myself because if my husband’s outside waiting because he doesn’t want to be bothered going through and digging. It’s like, he’s all about efficiency. Or if the kids are with me like, I love to be able to go through all this stuff and find those like I find my daughter, Lily, pull out her dresses there. But it’s not necessarily about the deal, it’s the hunt, it’s the experience, it’s the energy I get from it. I really love it. But on the surface, it could look like money. 

Cassandra McCrory

Yes, it could, but you’ll know. You’ll know if it’s really about the money, it will be, oh, I said no to this because it was too much as opposed to you feeling like, oh my gosh, this is such a great find.

Jaclyn Mellone

Totally. Totally. Yes, it’s so interesting that you put it this way. Okay, we all value all of them but it’s that motivator, I think is the key. 

Cassandra McCrory

We all have them all.

Jaclyn Mellone

So with the motivator, can you just explain that a little bit of, okay, this is the one. Okay, now we know this is our primary motivator, so what does that mean? What do we do with that information? 

Cassandra McCrory

So when we think about flow and alignment and that objective, we want to feel that we’re part of this journey. We want to have that feeling of fulfillment. The opposite of that is stuck or unsure of what to do in a place of chaos. We’re in a bad place, and we want to get there, they’re going to align ourselves with our resources. And it’s always helpful to align with your primary resource first. So let’s say that I am in this situation and I’m really stressed out. I have a lot going on, and I don’t know where to start. I will say, okay, what actions could I take that would be in alignment with me feeling what I want to feel. What actions could I take that would put a block in my calendar? And I’m going to look at that same situation so that I can get through whatever I need to do. For people that are energy, you always have to have fun first, because if you wait and do the fun thing as a reward, you will not have the energy to do it. And then for people where money is your primary driver, what investment could I make that would help me move beyond where I am? And so you want to use those three resources as active guides. You can take all three resources, but it’s always helpful to gain the momentum from your primary one first.

Jaclyn Mellone

Ooh okay. I love how you broke that down and in such an actionable way. And I feel that with all of my heart of like, yes, as the energy motivated person, I totally need to feel the fun and either ride the fumes. Actually, I have on my desk, ” Fun is my fuel.” Because it is, it all ties back to this. So it’s funny because I hadn’t thought of it in that context before, but I’ve probably had that on my computer for a year now of just a daily reminder that fun is my fuel. Because when I’m having fun, I get that energy that literally lets me do whatever else I need and want to do.

Cassandra McCrory

Absolutely. And if your primary source is energy, you always have to prioritize that fun first because you have to recharge. And recharging is not rest, recharging is not resting. Recharging is having fun that values aligning activities that you do. Because it’s like I can put my dead phone down, it’s not going to recharge. I have to plug it in. I have to give it energy in order for it to recharge. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Ooh, that’s so good, but it’s so true though. It’s you have to give it energy. And for other people who are like me, it’s going to look different because the person who you were describing, the introvert with the energy motivator, that’s got the fun may not be the energy that they’re motivated by. 

Cassandra McCrory

Well, and how would they define the thought will be really different.

Jaclyn Mellone: Okay, so is energy always fun or is that like, I don’t know, because I’m thinking of the other person. They may value… 

Cassandra McCrory

Contentment or stability. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Yes, and so they may not need the fun and excitement of the fun. It may be more of a different vibe.

Cassandra McCrory

Yes. If you think, when was the last time that you really had fun, what were you doing or not doing? That will give you a pretty good idea about what’s going to help you recharge. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Okay, that is very helpful. We have the three different resources, the three different ways that we’re motivated.

Cassandra McCrory

Yup. 

Jaclyn Mellone

But that’s not where we stopped. So just knowing that doesn’t necessarily put us into that fulfillment category. So what do we pair that with to get into alignment? 

Cassandra McCrory

So I pair that with values. Values, there’s a lot of different definitions for values. There’s a lot of different ways to figure out what your values are. Danielle LaPorte calls them core desired feelings, and you can call them whatever you want. But at the end of the day, what it is, is a state of being in which you can aim to reach. And there’s a couple of ways that you can figure out your values. You can do a values workshop. There’s plenty of them. I have one. Any of them will be an interesting deep dive into this world of values. You can look at a huge list of values, and I’ll give you a Google sheet that has a whole 500 values on a sheet. And you can just read through them and say, oh, this feels interesting to me.

The other way that you can get to your values is to spend three minutes, and that’s all you need, and write about a time in your life where you were truly happy. That feeling of, I am in exactly the right place at the right time feeling, and you’ve had it. You may not have had it recently, but at one point in your life, you’ve probably had it where you’re like, ah, right time, right place. Everything about this, I feel good in alignment. Write about it. For three minutes, set a timer. Don’t take it longer because it won’t help you. And then look at how you felt. And the feelings that come up from that writing exercise, are likely a good starting place to consider for your values. So that’s how you can get there.

Jaclyn Mellone

Yes. I love that exercise to help us get there because I will tell you, I have gotten those lists of 500. I’ve opted into them. I’ve seen them on Pinterest. And I look and I’m just like, they all sound great. I’m overwhelmed. I’m like, can I have 50? I could probably narrow it down to 50 which are my values. So it’s overwhelming. So I think this exercise of imagining an actual scenario going there and then pulling it apart. Can you share, and I also think the emphasis on the feeling versus, oh, I’ve also seen them where it’s like family and friendship. It’s not the feeling, it’s like a person, place, or thing. 

Cassandra McCrory

Exactly, exactly. My opinion is, I don’t have different values for my family, for my personal life, for my professional life. I’m working with the same three values in all of the places. And that’s the only thing that’s helped me feel like I am one whole person as opposed to somebody that wears a thousand different hats. And so when we make one of our values, how we show up in the world, we’re putting ourselves in a really tiny bucket. And it’s much more helpful in my view to say, okay, here’s the feeling state. And I’ll give you my values are adventure learning and nurturing. I know that when I can work in adventure, learning, and nurturing and see my daily activities through that lens of those three values, I will feel that feeling of fulfillment and abundance and ease, I’ll feel it. And when I’m not, I will feel jammed up and stuck and angry and a little bit murder-y. 

Jaclyn Mellone

A little bit murder-y. Okay, I don’t want to get nitpicky on, I don’t know, but learning, nurturing, these are verbs. But it’s the feeling of learning. 

Cassandra McCrory

Yes, it is the state of learning, being in that curiosity. 

Jaclyn Mellone

I think curiosity is one of mine. Okay, but elaborate on this more because I want to wrap my head around it. 

Cassandra McCrory

And being nurturing and being in a state of adventure. And it’s interesting because when you then go and say, okay, I think this is what resonates with me. Now, you try it on and you say, okay. If I were to spend my time being adventurous, what three things would I do? If I were to give of my energy, or if I were to be very careful to not deplete my energy around adventure, what would I do? And if I wanted to invest in adventure, what would I do? And if you can identify how you could align yourself to that value with your three resources, then you’ve got someplace to run. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Ooh, okay. This is really helpful. I pulled up some exercises that I’ve done over the years because I’m like, I know I’ve done the values exercises before. I’ve never been able to get it down to three, but I’m looking at this listing. How does that align with what you’re saying? And I definitely want to be put some of this list through these tests, these experiments that you’re having us do because it’s figuring it out. Being curious, I think is one of mine. So looking at this list, what I have on there is I have connection, enthusiasm, curiosity, and then I have other ones on here that I don’t know if their joy might be the same as enthusiasm or fall into the same category. I’ve resourcefulness, but I don’t know if that also could fall under curiosity and just getting creative, maybe, with solutions or figuring things out. 

I have faith on here, which is a funny word for me to use. But it’s like I do feel very strongly about having that. Just faith and hope and optimism in that like connection to something more and positivity there. There’s a lot there, and I don’t know. I’m going to go run through, and I have inspiration. I have six or seven, but I think a lot could be rolled up under the same ones.

Cassandra McCrory

We almost always find that. So when I’m doing my own values workshops with people, we’ll run through the list of 500 words, and they’ll get it to 35. And say the word aloud after you meditate. Get into your body. First, meditate. Go for a walk. Do something that is going to physically move you. And then say the word aloud. This process of auditory, hearing your own language in your ear, it helps. It’s weird, I get it, but you’ll have a feeling. You’ll have a sensation in your body, especially if you’ve meditated or you’ve moved and you’re like, oh, that word. That word is exciting to me, more so than, oh, I really love curiosity. I also really like inspiration. I also like this. One of them will rise up. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Totally, and I think going through too, and being in the state of, and seeing how that feels and all of this. Okay, so I know we are running out of time. I feel like we’ve got this all out, but can you wrap this up a little bit more of, okay, so how are we thinking about how the values and our primary motivating resource? I don’t know if that’s actually what it’s called, but this sounds fancy. How do they work together? At the end of all of this chicken scratch of coming up with ideas and whatnot, how should we be thinking about how this all works together?

Cassandra McCrory

 At the highest level, you can decide, okay, here are my three values. And in each week, I want to make sure that I’m using my available resources of time, energy, and money so that I’m in alignment with those values. And I get to have that feel of feeling of fulfillment in my journey. That’s one way that you could approach it and say, I know these three words. I’m going to keep my focus on them. Time, energy, and money, I’m just going to keep it top of mind so that I’m not operating on the hamster wheel and being intentional. That’s one way you could do it. You could say, you know what, this value stuff, I can’t. I can’t even with this. Five hundred words? Please. And you could just say, I’m going to look at how I’m using my resources of time or energy or money over this next week, and be really mindful about it. And I’m just going to experiment about which one do I think is my primary, so you could try that on. And I think that’s where I would probably start, is to say, okay, which resource am I most motivated by? And how can I make my experience of this life more abundant by leaning into the resource, that is my primary resource?

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh, that’s such good prompts here. Yes, and I think even someone who’s done some of this work, I think revisiting it. But I don’t know, I’ve never thought about it in this capacity before. And I’m excited to take bits and pieces of things I’ve done and roll this altogether because it really does feel like this is the roadmap for alignment, which alignment is another one of those words. It’s like, what does that even mean? And it’s like, here it is, this is what it means. Do this, and you will feel like you’re in alignment. You’re going to feel that sense of fulfillment. And that’s exciting and that’s empowering. That feels like we’re taking something really abstract and breaking it down in a really doable and actionable way.

Cassandra McCrory

And that’s the whole point. This isn’t something that you need to spend a lot of time thinking and modeling and planning. It is, how can you take this and make it actionable to make your life better at this moment? Because this is the one that we have. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Yes. Just write it down in pencil and get done with it. I think this goes back to that. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but put it down in pencil or put it down in marker like how I like to write in, and know that you can have a new page in your notebook if you decide you want to feel differently. 

Cassandra McCrory

A hundred percent.

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh, okay. This has been so inspiring. I’m so glad that we were able to make this work because Cass and I may start having this conversation in a coffee shop, but I’m like, I am totally fascinated by all of this. We need to dive deeper into everything here. So thank you for sharing all of these today. Okay, before we wrap up, anything else that you want to add about feeling fulfilled or anything that we talked about today?

Cassandra McCrory

I love this conversation. I think it’s all about just starting and saying, I desire to have a really fulfilling, joyful life. And just start with that desire and say, I want that. And by the way, you deserve it, and you don’t need anybody else’s permission.

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh yes, amen to that. Yes, and yes you do. You deserve it. Okay, how can we stay in touch with you after this incredibly inspiring conversation? 

Cassandra McCrory

You can follow me on all of the social, I’m Cass McCrory in all of those places. My own podcast features women in business, both for themselves and within big companies and that’s called, Real Women in Business, and it’s on realwomeninbusiness.com. And then, of course, cassmccrory.com for my email list and all of that good stuff.

Jaclyn Mellone

Amazing. All right, we’ll have all of that in the show notes too. And thank you so, so much, Cass. I really appreciate your time today, and all of my wheels are turning. I’m really excited to be putting this into action. 

Cassandra McCrory

This is joyful. Thank you for having me. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Can I just say, thank you so much for listening? I don’t think I’m saying it enough, but I love that you are here. If you enjoyed today’s episode, or if you’ve been getting value from this podcast, can you do me a quick favor? Head on over to iTunes and leave a rating and review. When you leave a rating and review, it basically tells iTunes that they need to spread the word and tell more people about this podcast, and I am on a mission to get the word out. I’m so grateful for your support. We want to make sure to shout you out too. So if you do leave a rating and review, keep your eyes and ears open. We will be either shouting out in the podcast or on Instagram Stories.