Sensitive + Successful: How To Manage Your Energy as a Personal Brand with Melody Wilding

Jaclyn Mellone  

Welcome to Go-To-Gal, Episode number 172. As always, I’m your host, Jaclyn Mellone. And today, I’m always excited to share episodes with you. Hello. That’s why I publish them. But today, as always, I’m super excited to share this episode with you. But when I invited our guest today, Melody Wilding, back to the Go-To-Gal podcast for a second time. Because one, I just adore her and any excuse to get to chat with Melody. But two, because in our first conversation, we focused on how she’s grown her business, by getting these different opportunities, how behind the scenes of how that looks of being a contributor to Forbes and these other publications, as well as how she’s grown a really significant audience on Medium. 

I didn’t even know that was a thing. I think back then she had 20,000 followers on Medium. I have no idea how many she has now. But I was: You’re going to have followers on Medium. I was totally clueless. I still am pretty clueless when it comes to Medium just to qualify her there. That said, we talked a little bit about being a sensitive striver. 

 Jaclyn Mellone 

But we didn’t get too far into it. The more I have seen Melody’s content over the years, and now with her book that’s coming out, or whenever you’re listening to this podcast, it is out because we are actually releasing this episode the day that the book goes live. I’m super pumped, because the audio book is also being released on the same day, which makes me extra excited. “Trust Yourself” is out there and available. You definitely need to go grab it, whether if you like the physical book, or a Kindle book, or the audio book. If you’re like me, it is available for you.  But the more I have seen her content over the years on being a sensitive striver, the more I realized how much I resonated with it. We’ll talk about this a little bit in our conversation, because I don’t think I totally fit the profile. She helps me unpack that. But I also didn’t realize until probably this past year, that I’m also probably considered a highly sensitive person. 

 I don’t know if you identify with any of those things, either. But if you find yourself feeling things very deeply or being: I don’t know, you’re just going to have to listen to the conversation, because I don’t know how to describe it.  But I feel, if you’re a highly sensitive person, you probably know what I’m talking about. But maybe not because I really wasn’t, I didn’t realize it at the time. I’m also an Enneagram seven, which I feel if this was a therapy session, we could talk about how maybe that is because I am a highly sensitive person. That was my way of protecting myself from feeling negative emotion. But we’re not going to go down that rabbit hole, at least not before I have Melody here. 

Today’s episode is for you. If you have ever struggled with managing your energy, emotions or sensitivity, and business was also with a paradox of being a powerful, successful entrepreneur. It can feel like a paradox, but it actually isn’t, it doesn’t have to be. What I love about Melody is she’s really showing us how empathy is our superpower. That sensitivity can truly be our greatest strength. Or sometimes the rest of the world wants us to believe or has convinced us that it’s actually a weakness.   I also think if we don’t have the awareness and the tools in place, it actually can feel a weakness because of different things. This conversation today which I’m leaning more into these conversation-style interviews, if you’ve noticed. I’m newer to it. We’re getting there. But it’s more of a conversation because I know this is something that I have struggled with. 

I’ve also been more conscious about leaning more into in my own business. I really wanted to know this meta thing of: Okay Melody. You are a sensitive striver, too. How does this show up for you in your business and how do you work that? What does that look like? We are both going to dive in on what this looks like running and growing our businesses as personal brands as sensitive strivers. 

Before we officially get into the conversation, let me formally introduce you to Melody.  Melody Wilding, L.M.S.W, is an executive coach for smart, sensitive high achievers, and author of “Trust Yourself – Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work. “Recently named one of Business Insider’s Most Innovative Coaches for her groundbreaking work on Sensitive Strivers. Her clients include CEOs, C level executives, and managers at top Fortune 500. Companies such as Google, HP, Facebook, Netflix, Twitter, IBM, Citibank, JP Morgan, you name it. It does not say “you name it”. That’s just my own little ad-libbing there.  Melody has been featured on the New York Times, the Oprah Magazine, NBC News and Go-to-gal podcast is actually her second interview, and has spoken at Stanford University, Walmart, Ad week Burberry and more. She’s here to help you break free from self-doubt and Imposter Syndrome, so you can use your sensitivity as a superpower that is. Melody is a licensed social worker with a master’s degree from Columbia University and a former researcher at Rutgers University.  She’s a professor of Human Behavior at Hunter College and is a contributor to Harvard Business Review of Fast Company, Forbes and Business Insider. There you have it. She is the real deal. I’m so excited for you to get to listen in on this conversation. Because we’re really just chatting and peeling back the layers of what does it look like to be running businesses, growing businesses, especially personal brands, as Sensitive Strivers. Here you have it. Here’s my conversation with Melody. Melody, I’m so excited to have you here today.

Melody Wilding 

Thank you for having me back. I’m excited to be here. 

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yes. You have some big updates going on in your world. Why don’t we kick it off with: Tell us what do you do? Who do you help? What is going on in your world? Yes. I am a Licensed Social Worker, Human Behavior Professor and an Executive Coach. I specifically work with people who identify as Sensitive Strivers. They are both highly sensitive, meaning they think and feel everything more deeply. But they are also high achievers. They’re very driven. They want to make an impact, having big goals, but can also put a little too much pressure on themselves to succeed. Yes. And you have a book coming out?

Melody Wilding  

I do. I forgot about that.  I forgot the one thing I am here to talk about. My first book, my new book is called “Trust Yourself- Stop Overthinking and Channel your Emotions for Success at Work.” And it comes out in just a few weeks for one more recording that’s on May 4th.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Today, our conversation is really a conversation. This is something that when I first started seeing you talk about this sensitive striver, which you invented this terminology, right? This is your thing. I’ve never heard of this before. It is my thing, being a highly sensitive person is not that’s been studied for about 2030 years now, but the combination of being sensitive and high achieving. And that term is “Sensitive Striver”. As soon as I saw you started talking about this, I resonated with it so much. Now there’s a few things where I was like: But is that me? Is it within other things, probably 90% of it? That’s 100% spot on. 

Even though this isn’t a traditional interview, let’s just start off with that. Where did the idea, where did this case study come from of coming up with this terminology for being both sensitive and high achieving? Where did that all come from? Yes. As I think most great ideas come from, it really came from a combination of my professional experiences and my personal experiences. My background, as I was mentioning, is as a social worker, a former therapist, and a researcher in psychology.  I used to study the psychology of memory, perception and emotion and that interaction. And then I went on to get my social work degree to work with people. I have a clinical background in this type of work of helping people manage their thoughts, emotions and their work lives more effectively. 

Melody Wilding  

But it’s also largely informed my, by my personal experiences of being this personality myself. Now, all my life I have been more realized. I was more affected by the world more deeply everything that was going on around me. I can even remember as a kid, I was always told: You’re wiser than your age, just because I was so observant and perceptive and made nuanced connections. I just had a very rich inner world and was also very compassionate and empathetic and aware of people had a very strong intuition, and was just naturally sensitive. I didn’t have the terminology for it back then certainly.  But then the striver piece was also very apparent. I was lived to exceed expectations and check off boxes, be the A plus gold star good girl. 

I went to college, got good grades, went to an Ivy League University. I graduated at the top of my class, got a good job and felt like I had done everything right, so therefore I should be happy and really early on. In my career hit a very bad burnout, largely because I didn’t understand I was sensitive. I didn’t understand how to manage my energy or my qualities, or set up my life to support that in any way. I had become so consumed by trying to achieve and prove and seek validation. Those two things that came together, I was just very unbalanced to that point that I hit that severe burnout. I had no choice but to use all of my clinical training on myself. Just as it happened to work out, I was also beginning my coaching career at that time. I was coaching on the side of my full time work to earn extra money to pay off my loans, and was working with people who were experiencing the same constellation of challenges of Imposter Syndrome, self-doubt, taking feedback and criticism to personally struggling with a lack of boundaries and burnout. Overthinking emotional overwhelm, but also being very driven to want to make an impact and be the best that they could be not necessarily for fame or to climb a certain ladder, but because they were just driven people who enjoy challenging themselves.  It was really the dovetailing of both my personal and professional experiences were that term “Sensitive Striver”, and the entire book and frameworks that he talked about come from.

Jaclyn Mellone 

Just hearing you talk about him I’m like: Yes, that’s me, that’s me. 

Melody Wilding 11:28

Even going back to being a child I resonate with what you said so much, except for the, this is going to sound like an oxymoron type of situation here, but I’m not really type A I’m definitely a Type B person. But I’m also driven. Does that make sense? 

Jaclyn Mellone

 It does. And being a “Sensitive Striver”, it’s a spectrum. Just like any other quality, introversion. You have people who are extreme introverts, and then you have someone like myself. I’m more introverted. I can turn on and turn off different aspects of my introversion. Being a “Sensitive Striver” is the same thing where you are highly compassionate and empathetic. I know you are so imaginative and you make amazing connections and really synthesize different ideas.  You’re brilliant at all of those aspects of sensitivity, and just because maybe detail orientation, isn’t there. For example, I consider myself a perfectionist, but you can go on my blog or read any of my emails, and you will find typos.

Melody Wilding  

It seems it’s all a spectrum.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yes.

Melody Wilding  

I also just want to highlight too, because before we started recording, you were telling me I identify with most of this, but there are some pieces. I just want to highlight to that being sensitive is not the same thing as being introverted or shy, because I think you are a perfect example of someone who is sensitive but extroverted. You love people.  You are so bubbly and outgoing, and just thrive on your energy. But most people think that sensitivity is a reservation and introversion and it’s not. It’s fundamentally about having a more highly attuned nervous system, which makes you more affected by the world that’s happening around you. About 70% of people who are sensitive or introverted, but about 30% like yourself or not.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Even though, I guess the pandemic has helped me realize this mostly about myself. People think of me as very extroverted. I am the least extroverted person in my family, if you can believe it. I don’t know if it’s because we would joke growing up that I was an only child with a brother because my brother is seven years younger than me. We never had to share anything. Those first critical years of my life, I was an only child, but I’m very extroverted. I need people for energy. But I also need that alone time. Having everyone around all the time, I’m like: I’m going out for a walk, and everyone’s like: Oh, can we come with you? I’m like: No, I just need to be alone. They’re all looking at me like I’m crazy for wanting to take a walk by myself, but I really crave that alone time just as much as I crave the people time. It’s a balance for sure. So funny. You might be more introverted than I would be. Interesting. I know, it is interesting.

That’s something I’ve been trying to figure out too, with after an event and I can “Go! Go! Go!”. For days, or even weeks, I could just have the adrenaline of it with an event and I don’t even go into sessions at events. I just sit in the hallway and talk to people and soak it all up. Then I come home and I can’t even write a post about it. My brain is completely fried. I really need that integration time. 

I’ve had coaches telling me over the years where I was: How do I get better at this? And I’m: Maybe you just need more integration time and that’s okay. And I’m like: But what if I don’t want it to be okay? But it’s part of that self-acceptance. How do you manage energy around your own energy with this world because I think this is something your whole lives we’ve had to work around? But his last year has certainly put things at the front and center. As an entrepreneur and running a business and with everything going on, either in our businesses around the world, or people around us. Whether it’s an extreme thing,  going to a conference, or something really going on in the real world that maybe escalates things, but even just on a day to day, how do you manage your energy or protect your energy? Yes, such a great question. 

So much of it comes down to managing your level of stimulation, and making sure that it’s something that matches what you need, and what you’re looking for. And one big reason why I wanted to work for myself, and why I do work for myself, I always say: Yes, I was a really bad employee. Just because I need to do things my way, and really control my time and control how I’m doing my work, where I’m doing my work, what I am working on. And for me, something that I’ve found really effective is really matching my tasks and what I’m working on for my level of energy, and having almost like a mental menu of things that matches my energy level.   

Melody Wilding  

I know that if I’m very high energy. By high energy, I mean high focus and concentration. Those are days when I can work on content. I can write articles. I can write scripts, for videos. I can work on social media posts, whatever it is. But there are times when I am lower energy, and sometimes I can’t predict those days, or those time periods. I have other class of things I can do during that time. Maybe it is scheduling, or it’s editing instead. And I’m speaking. I do a ton of writing, which is why I’m speaking from that content creation perspective. But I think really matching and having, in your mind, different tasks for different energy levels makes a big difference. 

As an entrepreneur, your time is money. And if you’re not using your time wisely, you’re not moving your business ahead. Even during those low energy days, not beating yourself up, not kind of chucking the whole day away, just because you don’t feel great or totally focused. But being able to make small incremental progress on things is really crucial to your own well-being and feeling confident, and you’re making forward movement in your business.

Jaclyn Mellone  

That’s so interesting. Do you keep your days flexible, then to be able to check in with where your energy levels are? Yes. I will. Right now is a little bit of a different story. This is a period of intentional imbalance with just a lot of media interviews on the calendar and things like that with the book launch coming up. But typically, I block my days and batch them.  I have three days that are really for kind of focused, more concentrated heads down work, and then two days that are for clients. On those days that I just have open, I’m kind of a bit of a flexible scheduler. 

Melody Wilding  

I will identify what I need to work on that day, what my biggest rocks are, and then the order in which I get them done, or what time I get them done, I tend to be a little more intuitive and fluid about. But on client days, I am heads down on client, that’s when I have to turn on my more extroverted selves. But it’s really helpful for me not to have to switch back and forth between those modes. I’m not a type of person that does well with the mornings’ focused in the afternoon calls.  I like having big stretches. Because as you were saying before, with coming back from conferences, having that processing and that thinking time, is that integration time is where the best ideas come from. For me, if I know I have to kind of rush into a meeting, it just switches my mental gears in a different way. And sometimes I feel a little too rushed, I have to get this thing done before I have that call this afternoon. That precludes me from that more creative work.

Jaclyn Mellone  

I resonate with that a lot. I definitely need those big open spaces. I can’t do anything in an hour. I could do things in there but in terms of writing content, it sometimes takes me. This is where the line between being a “Sensitive Striver” and having ADHD and all these other things that make us unique individuals. But it takes me a while to get into that zone when I’m doing things on my own. This is also an extroverted thing too, where if I have to get on Zoom for client call group, coaching call podcast interview, me being interviewed whatever it is, can be having the lowest energy day ever. But I see those eyeballs and I can come to life.  Now, it doesn’t work the same with seeing my own eyeballs. If I just go for me like people that are: Oh just go on Live or Instagram story their lives. That does not give me energy in the same way as actually seeing those other interactions.

Melody Wilding  

Yes. interaction and connection. Yes, yes, that is what it is for me. I can turn it on then. But with just myself and like trying to write something, it’s so hard to turn that energy on our focus that energy.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yes. It’s so interesting you find that, too. Because I’m a bit of a nerd about kind of the science of sensitivity. And the research shows that with this trait, it’s a genetic trait difference that a certain amount of about one in five people has that, again, leads to being more highly attuned to the world around you. But when they’ve done studies of highly sensitive brains, they see that our brains are more active in areas related to social interaction.  Specifically, mirror neurons that are those part of the brain that allows you to empathize, to literally mirror other people’s behavior and understand their actions, are more active in people who are highly sensitive. For me, that makes complete sense. That when you’re actually with people, you can see them. You get their energy. You see their nonverbal body language. That is what activates you on what you feed on versus if someone’s behind the screen, or you’re just trying to create accountability by being on a story, you don’t get the same thing.

Melody Wilding  

I did not do very well in science class, but I have never heard of this term before, “mirror neurons”. I like writing those down. Yes. One of the things that I personally discovered, I didn’t like discover it myself, but I discovered over the last year was this concept of body doubling. And with and I’m feeling this is tapping into those mirror neurons. But the concept of if you need to do something, if there’s someone else there, that makes it easier to do the thing, which my whole life, this has been the case. But I wasn’t aware of it. Now that I know that about myself, I’ve been using focusmate.com to do tasks that really require me to do that, or even just be on zoom with team members. But is that the same thing with these mirror neurons? I thought that that was an ADHD thing. But maybe this is something that other people can benefit from too.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yes. Mirror neurons, they’re also called, the “empathy neuron”. Because it’s basically the part of the brain that fires when we see someone else perform an action. Then we follow suit and do the same thing. If you’ve ever, your husband yawns, and then you yawn, that’s mirror neurons, right? It’s because we see someone we can mimic their reaction, or it allows you to sort of enter someone’s emotional experience and perceive what they’re feeling and sense those things. So I think your mirror neurons may be activated by seeing someone else work. And you’re:  Oh, I should be working. But it actually reminds me more.  Gretchen Rubin, who is an author who talks a lot about human behavior and habit formation, she has this idea of different accountability styles. And it’s a really wonderful kind of matrix of whether you adhere to inner accountability or outer accountability.

 Someone like myself, I’m what she would call an “upholder”. I am very good with both inner and outer accountabilities. If I say: I’m going to do something I follow through. Whether I’m telling you or I’ve told it to myself, or is there are other people and most people fall into the category of being an obligor.  They are someone who is good with outer accountability, they will hold promises to other people, but not as good inner accountability. If they just tell themselves, they’re going to do something, it’s much easier for them to say: Oh, whatever. I’ll get to it the next day. But people who are obligors do really well with live accountability, having to show up for a class or something like Focusmate, where you’re on live, working with someone, or you have to report to a coach and you have to show up at the session, for example. I think, thinking about that accountability style to that makes a lot of sense. Oh, hey, quick interruption here really quick. Then we’ll get back to the conversation, I promise.

 But Jaclyn here, just wanted to jump in and give you a little nudge. Who do you know, who’s also likely a “Sensitive Striver”? Who else do you know that would really benefit from listening to this conversation? Take a screenshot of your phone right now or wherever you’re listening, and send that friend of text or post this to your Instagram stories and tag Melody about it.  

Let’s work together to get this word out to other sensitive strivers that truly our sensitivity and empathy is a superpower. Go share. Yes. While you’re still listening, I know you can do two things at once. All right back to our conversation. This is spot on for me. I’m totally an obligor just overall pleaser working on that. But I’m curious about this because for a long time, I knew this. I built enough awareness to know that I was not being personally accountable, that I was much better at being accountable to other people. But then there was a lot of shame around this.  I even had some coaches to be that’s something you need to work on. I tried working on it, and I haven’t made a ton of progress to be very honest about that. I’m just really bad to personal accountability.   

I think when I discovered Focusmate, and maybe some of these other things in the last six, eight months, I was just: You know what? I’m just going to give up on that. But I’m just leaning more into: I know, this is how my brain works. I’m just going to really structure things in that way that I know will be easier because some things in life, I just need to be easier right now. Yes. I’m thinking about this in the context of your book, “Trust Yourself” and all this stuff, and just trying not to laugh at the irony. But is this something that is obligors, you think there’s a path for us to unravel that and build this muscle? Or is it okay, if we just kind of: Okay. I’m just going to try to make myself accountable to other people for everything in my life that I want to get done, because that’s how I know it’s done. No, that’s such a great question. I think there’s a nuanced differentiation. 

Self-trust is fundamentally about having conviction in what you’re doing. I think you have that in spades. You believe in the work that you’re doing. You are confident in the message you’re trying to get out there. You may need some external support and making that possible. But what’s important is that is that self- acceptance piece, whereas maybe earlier and I’m generalizing, so apologies. But maybe earlier in your life, I’m speaking from personal experience. 

Melody Wilding  

Maybe you beat yourself up about that aspect, like: why can’t I get together? Everyone else can be self-disciplined around this stuff? Why can’t I write that’s kind of a self-trust? Versus now you said: I’m leaning into it. I’m figuring out how do I set myself up for success, and just kind of move on that being the reality because you’ve built a very successful business, just having a bit of a different style. We’re both successful. We just have different ways of getting there. I think self-trust and external accountability are slightly different. But fundamentally, it’s about the conviction, the confidence in what you’re doing, and the acceptance of yourself not making an excuse that: Oh, well, I’m just bad at personal accountability, so I guess I’m never going to do anything good for myself. You are finding other creative ways to make it work?

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yes. And my therapist was so proud of me for that. I was like: No. And she’s like: You’re so good at finding these strategies. I’m like: Yes. But no. It’s like that nuance of the self-awareness and the leaning into: Okay, ” How do I not just sit back and say, “Looks like I can’t achieve what I want to achieve or have the life I want because of that.” But it’s that leaning into, I’m helping myself by doing these strategies, and maybe also doing other things that over time will make me less reliant on them.   We can be patting ourselves on the back for doing these strategies that are helping us do that. Because there’s definitely been parts of my life where I wasn’t living at all near to where my potential could be, because of just being stuck in that trap. I think for me, with my business, it’s interesting.  I’ve been coming back to this a lot with the whole “Trust Yourself” thing, because so many people in our industry are different than us.  We don’t struggle with the same things and they run their business a certain way. And I think it’s at each kind of level where it’s that up leveling, uncomfortableness, stretch and whatnot. That’s where I start to let in these other ideas sometimes or force myself to be a different way, or try to get myself to be a different way thinking: Oh, I can’t do that unless it looks like this. And that’s not good. Have you come up with that in your business? 

Things that you’re as a “Sensitive Striver”, this just doesn’t work for me. Yes. I think there’s something in the book I talked about that I call the Honor Roll Hangover, which if you know, you are:  Oh. that hits me in the gut. But it’s really this idea that we’re Sensitive Strivers, tend to be those gold star, good girl. That we want to check all the boxes, and we want to do everything. Because of that conditioning, I think we come into business thinking that we have this all or nothing mentality that there is one right way to do business. And we need to figure it out. Thankfully, I am someone who has type A, I love frameworks and methods and steps and give me all of it. But at the end of the day, I think we can get so caught up in that, that we create “shoulds” for ourselves. We create that my business should look like this, I have to do something like that. If I’m not following this exact path, then I’m failing. I’m not going to be successful. We get very locked in to a certain formula, which can constrict us from seeing other opportunities, or even just allowing ourselves to kind of lean into what works for us.

Melody Wilding  

I’ve definitely seen that for myself, where I think when I first started my business, it was very much this. We’re talking 10 years ago now, where everything was very much like Facebook Marketing, and grow your following to tens of thousands. And even now, my social following is not that big. But I’ve leaned into the other parts of my business that do work well for my strengths that maybe you’re not with the other coaches and gurus out there are teaching, but I really focus on writing, on blogging, specifically on syndicating on writing for other big sites.  That’s not what many of the big people in our industry teach. I think we’ve seen that change, certainly now. But back then that was very different. That did kind of take a leap of faith and trust in myself to say: You know what? This is what I’m going to lean into, because this is not only where my strengths lie, it’s what I’m seeing work, and the other stuff wasn’t. I had to kind of let go of those preconceived notions and paths, which is hard when you want to be the A-plus kid. You feel you’re failing a little bit sometimes or you’re being bad.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Absolutely. I’m so curious about this, because I’ve been testing out different business models, too. With you focusing on these other platforms, is that one, I think it’s a brilliant strategy? Not a lot of people are doing it. But is there something to it? Or maybe it’s not as many comments or just not as much of that mental load of having to be as consistent or active or just in terms of managing as many people on your own platforms? How does that play another everyone’s going to go and do this model? But I think it’s interesting, the nuance there of, is it easier as a “Sensitive Striver” with these different paths? Or what makes it easier?

Melody Wilding  

Yes, that’s a great question. I think what has been nice about the writing path, and that content path that I have is that I can repurpose so much of what I create. I’ll create one blog post, that can go across different channels. It can become, I may write something for Forbes, but that goes on my blog. It goes on Medium. I slice it up and turn it into an Instagram post and the LinkedIn post, I put it on LinkedIn as a newsletter. I feel from an energetic perspective; it really helps me manage my energy because it’s      80% – 20%.  I’m doing 20% of the effort to get 80% of the results on that. And then also from an overwhelm perspective, it really forced me to stay focused on a few key messages and not get overwhelmed with all the things I can talk about all the time.  I think for those reasons; it has helped as a more highly sensitive person. I think you’re right that definitely as my platform has grown, and the number of messages and kind of people have to respond to our emails that I get has grown, that has been overwhelming to deal with.  I hope it increases and I hope my capacity to deal with it increases along with it. But for sure, I think that has something to do with it, kind of not to get too woo. But sometimes it almost feels: Can I even hold space for this many people?  

As a sensitive person because I care so much, I get to know that people who are in my audience in their community. I’m emailing with them. They’re in my Facebook group. I know things about their lives and their careers. That can be a lie. I think, for highly sensitive business owners, again, your empathy is your greatest strength in your business. But if it’s unmanaged or unprotected, it can really quickly become a lack of both internal and external boundaries around it.

Jaclyn Mellone  

I love how you put that with our empathy is our greatest strength. And yes, if we’re not managing it, it absolutely can feel heavy. I know I’ve felt that a lot, especially with my integration time. The things going on in the world,  sometimes it feels, oh, I need to be posting about this. Giving myself that space to be present for that feel that process it to the point where I’m ready to share, it takes me a lot longer than the average person. Is that something that you’ve experienced? How do you manage that when it comes to sharing things in real-time? Do you do you do that? Do you not do that? What does that look like for you? Because I fail miserably at this. I would say it’s an area for growth for me as well. Okay, there we go. Positivity here. 

Melody Wilding  

Yes. Sometimes, especially over the last year with just everything that has happened in the world, it’s been a lot. I often don’t know. I never want to speak from an emotional reaction. As someone who’s more sensitive, I tend to be very deliberate. I want to think through something before I act. I think that I have tried to take that stance towards everything that’s happening in the world over the last year. But I’ve gotten much more comfortable, so I have a long, long way to go. But I’ve become more comfortable trusting my intuition and my gut, when I feel something strongly that I should say thing about it. 

For example, Black Lives Matter. That is something that immediately I came out and said, because I feel strongly about that. I’m learning to trust more of those intuitive hits, rather than try to kind of: What I find is that often my first response that this is important, doesn’t change. Where I get in my own way, is the perfectionism of how do I say this? Is this picture good enough? Do all these words right? I start overthinking and try over-optimizing rather than just getting the words out there and letting it be good enough and trusting myself in that way.  I’ve tried to lean more into kind of doing things messier, and leaning into that discomfort, if that makes sense. But I have a long way to go as well.

Jaclyn Mellone  

I love how you put that and leading into the messiness of it. It’s something I’ve been trying to do, too. But yes, it is a process. And with the trusting your intuition, is there anything you do to stay connected to your intuition, or to listen to yourself?

Melody Wilding  

Yes. That’s a great question. Intuition is, it’s like a muscle. It’s just like anything, and you have to cultivate it. I think for so many of us sensitive strivers, it atrophies over time, because we are so attuned to what other people are doing and paying attention to what’s going on in the world, that sometimes we can value other people over our own voice. Making space for it, I think is something I’ve really had to balance my sensitive and my striver sides there where I can be “Go! Go! Go!”. Never stop. Always have to be productive. Never a down moment. I have paid the cost. I hit that really bad burnout.  Earlier in my career, especially during the pandemic, I have felt a bit more anxious, and have really had to turn to making more space. Because right now, it’s easy to work around the clock and never have any separation from it. 

Making time for meditation and breathing, I try to get out every day for at least 20 to a 40-minute walk. I take Epsom salt baths at the end of the day. I’m trying just to create more of that space for myself. I’m not constantly on, because if I’m constantly on, my brain stays in that mode.I will wake up at night and my mind is racing and all of that sort of stuff. I’m just anxious and jittery and can’t focus, so creating that space has been important. It gives me space to hear myself. It gives me space to sort through what do I really think here. 

How do I make sense if I have other inputs or other opinions on this issue? Where do I really stand and I think creating that space and time helps.  I’m also a huge fan of limiting the draws on your energy. Because if I am wasting good energy on things that don’t deserve, I don’t have as much intuitive or mental energy for the things that do matter. For example, planning a meal. I don’t have to think about what I’m eating, really automating things in my business and creating standard operating procedures so I don’t have to reinvent the wheel and think through something every single time. Those routines and rituals are huge to conserving brain power for what matters more.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yes, that is something I’ve been really focused on lately is what are the two dues lists that are just like sucking all of my energy? And how do we either eliminate them or someone else do them? Or Yes, because it is, it’s when you’re so depleted, it’s hard to do anything it takes ten times longer to do the simple task. Going back to the positive, because I feel we’ve talked about like: Okay. How do we manage these things that are hard, but I love how you put that empathy really is our superpower? And I do. I really do believe that, too. What are some ways that either you’ve done this or sensitive strivers who you’ve worked with or in your community? How do we tap into and make the most of this superpower? Yes. Well, I think the first way that comes to mind is really being able to listen to the needs and the pain points of your audience. Being a “Sensitive Striver”, and everything I talked about, came directly out of conversations with people in my community. I don’t think I would have been able to get to that level of depth with them, or my clients had I not been as empathetic as I am. And being able to reflect and infuse into your copy your social media posts, what that emotional side of what your audience is going through experiencing. If you had to take a snapshot into their day, what would it look like and almost write about it from that perspective? It takes empathy to be able to do that. That’s the first thing that really comes to mind immediately. Absolutely. I think if we’re natural marketers, you may not even realize that, right?

Melody Wilding   

Yes.

Jaclyn Mellone  

 Just being able to connect, because that’s marketing is a lot of things. But I think the best marketing is empathy-driven. When we’re able to just understand people better than other people, and have meaning into that. Is there anywhere else in our business that you feel it shows up? I think it shows up. It shows up in every superpower.  Yes. 100%, it shows up in my client process. I get compliments not try and brush my own shoulders off. But I do hear from clients all the time, who say Your process is so thorough and thought through. And that’s because I put myself in my client’s shoes. And I say: What would I want If I were paying for this coaching experience? What would I expect? Where could possible gaps be in their customer journey that they may fall off or feel insecure or confused? I’ve created things to manage that. When someone on-boards with me, they get a really comprehensive Welcome Packet that really walks them through what coaching is? What to expect? How to prepare for it? My expectations. And those are all sorts, I think being able to enter into the client process and satisfying make people happy in that way, is where it shows up. 

Melody Wilding  

Yes. As well as a superpower.  I’m realizing through the book launch, though, that building relationships. I always consider myself pretty awkward and not great at building relationships. Because I’m more introverted, and solo. I’ve kind of always operated solo. But through the book launch, I have just realized that as a sensitive striver”, and I think many sensitive strivers have this just natural authenticity. People feel that. People feel that energy in the way that you show up, the way that you approach them. And that makes a big difference in someone wanting to have a conversation with you or bring you on their podcast or be willing to share what you’re working on. It makes a huge difference. And we underestimate it. We think it’s just given. But to other people on the receiving end, that genuineness is such a huge asset.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Yes, all the best to this. But I’m cracking myself up because you said that you consider yourself awkward, which I would have never described you as awkward ever. But literally, I just went through this branding exercise. And I kept saying I’m: Well, I’m very sociable, but I just always feel awkward. And I would never think of you as being awkward and like: Oh, it’s awkward!  And hearing us say it, I’m like: Maybe the magic is in the awkwardness. That we’re willing, the awkwardness is probably partially the overthinking of perfectionism of like: Why Is that weird? But maybe it’s that leading into, allowing ourselves to feel awkward with it, and leaning and the empathy showing through that. That allows us to create that connection versus someone who is maybe able to be a bit more polished or refined or not like: What’s the opposite of awkward? I don’t even know what the answer.

Melody Wilding  

You not think someone who may not be as genuine, right? Yes. Think of someone with that bravado, who just puts on this. I know everything, and I’m the best in the world. I think you and I we realize we’re imperfect, and we’re a little silly, and we bring that to the table. People really connect with that, that we’re real. We’re real. We’re also interested in other people. I think that’s what makes you such a great podcaster is you are amazing at helping people feel good about themselves. That’s such a huge part of empathy is creating a positive emotion in other people. We’re excellent at that against the flip side of that people-pleasing.  We care tremendously. We are compassionate. We are asking people: How are you doing, really? What’s going on in your business? What’s exciting you? We help people feel validated and acknowledged, and everyone wants that. It’s a huge part of presence. I think everybody wants this idea of, I work with people, particularly in the corporate world, or small business owners who all want this executive presence. They don’t realize they’re so much closer to it than they think just because of their natural aptitude.  As a “Sensitive Striver”, they’re able to project both warmth in their communication, authenticity and being very genuine with competence, that they know what they’re doing. They’ve got your back. They can lead you in a certain direction. And that combination is really what is at the core of presence. 

Jaclyn Mellone  

I am owning this. I love it. Because it is. It’s owning that. You win that. Lean into that and own it and don’t try to hide it or button it up or fit into someone else’s mold. I think, that’s been my biggest lesson with my business is to just keep coming back to that. I can absolutely see that with you, too. I think with all sensitive strivers is like: No, you don’t have to be everybody else. I could talk to you all day. I know we’re at a time though. Anything else you want to add?

Melody Wilding  

I don’t think so. I would just say that: Get out of your own way. Allow yourself to use your sensitivity as a strength. You have to value it first before you can expect anybody else to 

Jaclyn Mellone  

Love that. Alright. And how can we stay in touch with you?

Melody Wilding  

You can stay in touch with me at melodywilding.com. You can preorder or buy the book on Amazon, or any major book retailer in any format. Hope you enjoy it.

Jaclyn Mellone  

Amazing. I will put all of that in the show notes too. All right. Thank you so much Melody. I’ve loved this conversation.

Melody Wilding  

Thank you.

Jaclyn Mellone  

All right. Well, that is a wrap. How incredible is Melody? I hope you were as inspired from this conversation as I was. And if you haven’t already, go share it with someone else or with your community. If you know other people who are likely “Sensitive Strivers” as well or maybe via share it. You’ll find out who else you’re connected to who also resonates with us. And while we’re checking in here, are you subscribed to the Go-To-Gal podcast? Because if you’re not go ahead and hit that subscribe button, wherever you’re listening. 

We have some amazing new episodes in The Hopper coming out this month and I don’t want you to miss them.  

Can I just say thank you so much for listening? I don’t think I can say it enough. But I love that you are here. If you enjoyed today’s episode or if you’ve been getting value from this podcast. To do me a quick favor, head on over to iTunes and leave a rating and review. When you leave a rating and review. It basically tells iTunes that they need to spread the word and tell more people about this podcast and I am on a mission to get the word out. I’m so grateful for your support. We want to make sure to shout you out too. If you do leave a rating review, keep your eyes and ears open. We will be either shouting out the podcast or an Instagram story.