[On Air Coaching] I Had My Best Month Ever, But What If I Can’t Do It Again? with Erin Alexander

Jaclyn Mellone

Welcome to Go-To Gal episode number 189. As always, I’m your host, Jaclyn Mellone. And today we have another on-air coaching call. Really excited to take you behind the scenes with this coaching session, so our coaching client today is Erin Alexander. Now, Erin has a very successful business and has recently had her best month ever. Immediately upon having that best month ever, went from the excitement and abundance of, oh my God, I just had my best month ever. I’m paraphrasing here, to this scarcity mindset of what if this was my best month ever? How do I ever do this again? What if I can’t beat this? What if I can’t hit this again?

And subsequently ended up having a lower revenue month after. We’re going to dive more into that in our conversation, but when I had put the call out for, okay who’s up for on-air coaching, which if that is something you are interested in, this is going to be an on-going thing that we’re going to do here. So go to jaclynmellone.com/onaircoaching, and you can fill out the form if you do want to be one of these guests and have some free coaching with me and get some visibility for your business. We want you to be specific with what you want to ask, with what you want to support clearly for these on-air coaching calls. We want to pick people who have something they’re struggling with that we know a lot of you are struggling with. 

So when Erin reached out with this situation, I’m like, oh yes, I know. I know from my Best Month Ever course that you might’ve taken over the years, that this is a thing. That we hit that revenue goal or surpass a revenue goal that we never even thought that we could hit, and then our brain freaks out. So what do we do? That’s what I’m having this on-air coaching session for Erin is. Now, this is a big topic for a short call. But if this is something that you’ve struggled with, you are going to get some actionable takeaways, a way to get started with this process.

I really want to be upfront about the fact that this isn’t a quick fix. This is something that takes a lot of inner work to do. I just want to be honest about this. This is the kind of thing that I work with clients over the course of many months to really make a big shift. I’m not going to say exactly what that is, because I will say it in the on-air coaching call. However, there are things that you can do right now, and there’s a place to start. I will break all of that down for Erin so you’re going to get the goods there. But I just want to be realistic that if this is something you keep coming up against, start here, but also know that it’s a process. This is not just a flip-the-switch kind of thing, as it is with all mindsets.

Now, one more quick plug. If you are, one, if you’re going through this, but two, if you feel that you keep growing your business. Remember you’re plateauing and then you feel that you keep getting in your own way. If you really are like, why do I keep sabotaging myself? Or why do I keep getting in my own way? Or why am I in my head about stuff? Or maybe if you’re just like, I’m busting my butt and I feel like I should be further along but I’m not. What is going on here? My new quiz is designed to help you out with it. So it’s not about self-sabotage, it’s about figuring out who that inner movie villain is who is sabotaging your success?

That’s right. It’s not you, it is a movie villain who is sabotaging your success, and there are different sabotage styles. So figuring out which movie villain and what their sabotage style is, is the first step to being able to conquer that villain. The quiz will tell you who your inner villain is, and then we give you the conquer plan, which I really broke down depending on which type you are to help you with your specific sabotage style and to help you break through that and stop the cycle. This self-sabotage “is a habit.” So this is designed to help you realize how that inner villain is sabotaging you and break the habit so you can bust through it and uplevel. Hit that next level. That is definitely very much in alignment with the topic of the coaching call today. So if you haven’t taken the quiz yet, go to jaclynmellone.com/quiz. It’s a free quiz. You get your results and you also get that conquer plan all for free. So go take me up on that, jaclynmellone.com/quiz.

Okay, let’s get to it. First, I’m going to formally introduce you to Erin, and then we will dive in. Erin Alexander is the owner of Product Powerhouse, a web design agency for product-based businesses. She helps shop owners build, grow, and scale using Shopify. Erin is a wife, mom of two, an avid iced coffee drinker.

Alright, let’s get to it. Here is my on-air coaching call with Erin.

Erin, I’m so excited to have you here today. 

Erin Alexander

Thank you so much, Jaclyn. I’m so excited. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Okay, before we dive in, take us back to when you were growing up, what were you the go-to gal for back then?

Erin Alexander

I got to tell you that I have been thinking of this question since you started Go-To Gal. I was the go-to gal, or I would do anything to make money. I cleaned houses, I babysat, I mowed yards, I sold stuff at the fair. I was like, how can I make money as a child? 

Jaclyn Mellone

I love it. What did you do with the money as a child?

Erin Alexander

One thing I did was I went on a class trip in eighth grade to Florida, and so I paid for that myself by selling candy bars and cleaning houses at my family members’ houses, but mowing yards. So that was the big one. I went on a class trip to Florida. 

Jaclyn Mellone

That’s huge. I love it. Okay, so fast forward to today. Tell us what do you do and who do you help? 

Erin Alexander

Yes, I am a web designer. I’m the owner of a design agency called Product Powerhouse, and we are a web design agency focused on building Shopify sites. So we work solely with product-based businesses to create websites that help them scale their business and grow and using Shopify as their main tool for their website and business.

Jaclyn Mellone

I love seeing your journey with going from web design and really getting into this niche where it’s so specific, not just with who you serve, but the type of site too that you’re really creating the solution for a specific person. This is all done-for-you work that you do. Anything more about what you’re offering there? Just in case anyone listening might be a good fit or might know someone who’s a good fit. 

Erin Alexander

Yes. It’s been quite a journey. I know I’ve been coaching with you on and off in different capacities through this. So it’s been really cool but we do offer done-for-you services. We design websites for you, so most of the time it’s people coming to us who are moving away from a different platform and want to move on to Shopify. They probably did it themselves on Squarespace or something, and now they’re like, okay I need to get serious about my e-commerce and all these features so they’re moving to Shopify. And that’s really the only service we offer. I also have a podcast where I share tidbits about specifically for product-based businesses, it’s also called Product Powerhouse. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Love the branding there. Okay so yes, you’ve gotten really specific in this market. You have this great solution. You’re growing the business. You’ve recently had your best month ever. What’s going on? How can I support you today? 

Erin Alexander

So moving into the market of Shopify really helped solidify my business. It was really great for business. And over the past years, I’ve hit new best months ever over and over and over. Last month or the month before now, I hit a new best month ever. That was just out of my realm of thought even ever thought possible. And so now it’s like, what if I never do that again? But I think I had that same thought last year when I hit a bigger income than I ever thought possible or revenue generated. And it was like, what if I never do that again? What if it was a one-time one-hit wonder? 

Jaclyn Mellone

Okay, so let’s go. Let’s go back to that, and then we’ll go all over the place here, but that’s interesting so I want to follow that thought. Going back to last year when you had that previous best month ever, and you had that same thought pattern of what if, what happened after that?

Erin Alexander

So I did have my best month ever about the same time last year, and I don’t think I broke it again last year. I think June or July was one of my highest months but I didn’t ever make another dollar. I still booked a lot of clients.

Jaclyn Mellone

So I guess, one thing is, that was your best month ever. This is the next best month ever that you hit then. Did you take a big dip or is there any, I guess looking back and I know you’re not looking at data now, but sometimes we can find clues from the past of what went well or what didn’t go well to help inform us of what you’re struggling with now.

Erin Alexander

I do look at trends in income per month. For example, I know that quarter one is usually a little slower. I think because shop owners are recovering from the holidays, and then there’s this time in the spring that’s like, oh my goodness, am I ever going to book another client? And then it picks back up pretty quickly for summer. I do see those trends when I look at them objectively.

Jaclyn Mellone

Okay, so there’s the logic. There’s the, okay, throughout the course of the year, there’s going to be different seasons that might be better for business than others, certainly could be the case. However, it’s also important for us to know that as you’re growing your business, what your best month is in terms of the whole year that could turn into your worst. you can get to a whole nother level of business where your best month could turn into your worst month, essentially. And that best month can get even better, and so it’s not that it’s this stagnant that even though there may be a cycle of, okay well, let’s not be so pie in the sky and think, oh your best month is now going to be January. When you know that Q1 is typically slower because of the industry. That doesn’t mean that January has to be a bad month, but maybe let’s not set an unrealistic expectation that that’s going to be your biggest month of the year.

So as we’re walking through this, I think it’s important for us to note that some of this is strategic and some of this is also mindset-based.  Okay, let’s back up for a second though. As we’re diving into this, you had your best month ever then you go into this state of is it ever going to happen again? Can I ever hit that again? What are you hoping to get out of us working together today? 

Erin Alexander

I’m not even quite sure because I’ve never been to this place before. This has never happened before, or I’ve never gone beyond this moment. And so obviously, I want more best month ever. I wanted to keep topping it. 

Jaclyn Mellone

And I think that’s a really good point too. I like to ask that question because I think it’s a good guidepost for us, especially in these short on-air coaching sessions where it’s like, okay what do we want to get to? But this is something I always ask clients because we could go in a lot of different directions and I want to make sure we’re going in that direction that you want to go in. But you’re at a place where it’s maybe like, what is next? Certainly, you want more best months ever, but you also mentioned that this best month ever was at a whole new level that you hadn’t even thought ever thought was possible. So you’re breaking down some barriers and that’s definitely going to bring up some mindset stuff so it might be like, what is the next goal? What is the next thing? What does that look like? 

So one thing for today is, I want to help you get out of the scarcity mindset of what if that was your best month ever? What if you never hit that again? And more into that abundance of that’s your evidence that it’s possible, you’ve done it. You have that. Not just evidence that someone else did it, but you specifically. You have your own evidence that it’s possible for you now. So how do we tap more into that abundance of energy and get out of scarcity? So that is one of my goals for us at this time today is to start helping you take that leap out of scarcity and into abundance. But I think maybe also getting clarity on what is next, where do you go from here? What does that mean for the business? So I guess going more on the strategic side, have you looked at your goals since that best month ever? Where are you at goals-wise? Do you know what’s next for the business?

Erin Alexander

No, I feel that the only goal I ever set is revenue and I don’t know what other types of goals I should even be set. And so the revenue goal I set this year was out there, it just doubled what I did last year, which is pretty bold. We’re not on track for doubling it, but I’m on track to hit the same or better than last year, which I think is for me, that’s good. I am happy with that. I don’t want to say good enough because it’s not even less than anything. I’m ecstatic about that, but I do eventually want to grow. But then, I think back and I just hired two people to help. One’s helping with operations and one’s helping with design, and I would love to be able to bring them on full-time instead of just part-time. That is one of my goals. 

Jaclyn Mellone

That’s a very good goal right there. And goals can be, and I don’t want to take us too off track, but goals can be towards what you’re doing in your business. I think an important goal too, is that we’re growing our business is a profit goal and not just a revenue goal, or how much you’re paying yourself goal because those numbers are going to be very different. And as you’re growing, making sure that you’re not just hitting that top-line revenue, but you’re actually feeling the impact of it and the way that you want to, that level of clarity on the goals I think is important too.

Okay, so this is good. You’re hiring a bit. I want to go into this best month ever though because you said this was something you didn’t think was possible. What beliefs did maybe that month break for you? What limits did you think were there that the month now proved that that wasn’t a limitation?

Erin Alexander

I have the answer but I feel that I have to say this first and that this month, I’m tallying up how much is coming in. And I’m like, oh I’m only going to make this much money, which is how much I wanted to make for three years. It was a goal I was striving to make for three years and I’m like, I’m only going to make this much this month. For the first three years in my business, I wanted to make $5,000 a month that I took home, that would be the top line, $5,000 a month. And so this month I’ve only got this many payments coming in and it’s more than 5,000. It’s funny how that is now not good enough when it was something I worked so hard to get to at one point, but I am grateful. I have to remind myself all the time that I am grateful to have new problems. 

Jaclyn Mellone

So with the opposite, though, with that best month, what did that mean? Or what are you making that month mean? Why is it so hard to do it again? Why is it not repeatable? Why can’t you do that next month or this month? 

Erin Alexander

If I look at the numbers, this is how many clients we have to bring in to make it, it seems easy. It seems really easy. It’s only three and a half clients if that. And so, if I look at it that way, I can see it. But I also feel that I often get money and then blow it. And so it’s like, well a bunny can come to me, but I didn’t do anything good with it the first time. Which is not true, but. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Okay. So let’s go there. Why are you telling yourself that then? Why are you judging, I guess, how you spent that money?

Erin Alexander

I think it goes really deep. This is ridiculous. We were very poor growing up and people in my family, they didn’t graduate college and they didn’t buy houses and they barely could keep a job. And so, I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be able to have my own business or own my house or buy a brand new car, which are all things I’ve done. But I feel like it’s going to go away at any moment.

Jaclyn Mellone

I really appreciate you going there and sharing this because this is on some level, all of us go through this. And you’ve taken on this identity, you were born into this identity. You’ve lived a certain way, but however we were raised or whatever, we all have an identity that we have. And when we start doing something that’s outside of that that’s when the whole world feels upside down. This is where carrying that identity as someone who’s not supposed to have those things, and then when you do, your brain’s like, wait, what? This can’t be real. This is going to go away or you’re not supposed to have this, or you’re not that type of person or I’m just saying stuff that may or may not be coming up for you, but that’s our brains. It feels out of alignment because we’ve had that identity and this is in contrast to that. This is challenging that. So on the opposite side, when you think of that business owner who has the kind of months that you just had, taking yourself out of it, what’s the identity of that person?

Because I think that’s where part of this is, is that you may have a construct in your head of people who make this kind of money are like this, and you’re thinking of yourself as separate or different from that, perhaps. So when you think of that month, who’s that, or not even that month. But like, I’m going to tell you about Cheryl over here making X amount per month. What are your assumptions about her?

Erin Alexander

She probably has a whole of it. She has everything together. She has her stuff together. 

Jaclyn Mellone

So what does that mean, having your stuff together? 

Erin Alexander

She’s organized, she works on a set schedule, probably has an awesome project management system. She answers her emails quickly.

Jaclyn Mellone

Now, do you do those things? 

Erin Alexander

Almost. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Okay. Do you identify as someone like that? Yes. But do you identify as, would you describe yourself like that? Or are you describing someone different than yours? 

Erin Alexander

I think I have all those things. I just think, oh they’re not quite perfect.

Jaclyn Mellone

So tell me more, what’s different between Cheryl? I love that I just made up a random name. How is Cheryl different? And if she’s not, that’s okay too, but I think there may be something here. 

Erin Alexander

I think maybe it’s just my perception of Cheryl. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Yes, I know it totally is. So that’s the perception of how are you perceiving Cheryl is different than you.

Erin Alexander

It’s like tiny little shifts. Example the project management system, I have the project management system. It’s just sometimes I get behind on it. Or I have a rough schedule that I show up on, but then sometimes I leave early or that’s also a benefit for working for yourself. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Exactly. So when we put something or someone on a pedestal, we’re seeing them or the situation is different from us. And I say it because this is not, I’m personified to Cheryl. We’re not actually talking about you comparing yourself to someone else, but it sounds like the situation you’ve had maybe unconsciously. These ideas of people that make this kind of money, run their schedule like this, or act like this, or have other steps together or they’re more perfect. And then one, you set the expectation that you need to be those things in order to have and deserve. So one that can keep it on that pedestal, which can keep it out of reach. It’s not at your level. It’s above. 

When you get that, we stumble upon it, then that’s where it sets off that you’re not aligned in your brain. You’re like, wait, but you’re here but you’re not keeping your schedule and you’re not using your project management system perfectly, and you’re not Cheryl. This isn’t right. It’s like her slam on the brakes, this can’t be right. That’s not us, and that must have been a fluke because that’s not me. And of course, most of this is not conscious and we’re feeling it. We just feel that, could that happen again? What if it never happens again? It feels like a fluke, it doesn’t feel real because what we’re imagining needs to be different than how it actually is. Because logically, people at all different levels of business, I’m sure intellectually. I’m sure there are people that are making millions that are a hot mess. And so that they don’t have project management at all, but are flying by the seat of their pants. And if you don’t, I can introduce you to some people now. 

But there are people at, I would venture to say that because of the work that you do, you probably see behind the scenes of a lot of business owners who are very successful that maybe don’t have it all together behind the scenes. I think that’s one of the benefits of service providers is they get that peek behind the scenes of like, oh okay. Not everyone has it all together. 

Erin Alexander

Yes. 

Jaclyn Mellone

So you’ve had that viewpoint, but that doesn’t stop you from holding yourself to that standard or still putting that level on a pedestal. 

Erin Alexander

So it’s just a matter of realizing that I didn’t have it all together and I still did it multiple times, so I can do it again.

Jaclyn Mellone

There are layers to this and this is something that we’re not going to totally unpack and put back together in just our time together. But I think we can make some headway here and I want to keep going with it. There’s a couple of things to this. There’s the first part, which is the acknowledging of, okay, this is the identity and we could go deeper into that. But we don’t have to go too deep in being that we’re sharing this. But what is that identity that you’re currently holding? And then where’s that friction? When you think about getting to that level, it’s an interesting scenario because a lot of times we’ll think hypothetically that you’re trying to get to this level. So what is that identity of this level that you haven’t gone to yet?

So when you’ve been there even just for a month, I think that’s a really good opportunity to be like, okay you were here, you were experiencing this, but that felt out of alignment. So what is the perceived identity of the person who’s making this at that level? And we start to see what the differences are. Now, in order for you to step into this new identity of the person that makes that money or more, we have to see what those belief systems are holding you back from there. What is that new identity? What identity are you still holding onto from your childhood, from growing up and so much of that is ingrained in you? So what do you need to let go of so you can step into that new identity of that business owner who, part of this isn’t changing? I don’t want you turning into Cheryl. So the identity isn’t Cheryl, the identity is you saying, you know what? I can be. So some of it is going to be reframing what that identity looks like, so we can picture ourselves as that person and not put some unrealistic standards on that pedestal.

Part of it is saying, okay, you know what? I could be making this much money and yes, that’s why I have my own business so I can make my own schedule. I can do that and be in perfect with this and that, that that’s not a requirement of making that type of money. But it’s also looking at, okay, so what else is there to that identity? Something you mentioned before was that you make money, that you can always get the money, but you can’t always keep it. And that maybe you don’t always spend it on the best things or whether that’s even true or not, that came out. That was something that was there.

Maybe there’s a belief around being responsible enough to make that type of money or what that looks like. And so some of this is going to be a mindset in terms of, I trust myself stepping into that.  But some of it is also going to be maybe strategic in terms of, okay, well now that I am making that kind of money, this is where I’m going to have a bookkeeper or I’m going to level up in this other way make sure I’m organized and budgeting or whatever needs to happen. Because at a certain level, yes, you want to make sure that you’re taking good care of your money and doing those things. So some of it is going to be okay, how do we help you step into that identity so it feels more aligned? But some of it’s also just going to be reframing. So I want to dig a little deeper, but I guess me talking about this, what comes up for you? 

Erin Alexander

Yes, I’m thinking, I tell myself we’re bad at managing money. My husband and I, or we can’t be trusted. And we’re always saying like, oh we overspend or we should set a budget, and then we never do. Which I think just keeps that cycle of going of we’re not good with money. That’s a big part of it, I think is telling myself we’re not good with money. But I think over the years I have done some shifting instead of saying things are too expensive, say that they’re not a priority right now, or it’s not something that we want to spend our money on, instead of saying that we can’t have that.

But I do think that there’s more that we can do there, especially as we get older and our kids get older and I know that saving for college is something I really want to do. So I think there’s a part of me that feels that we’ll never get there, but also there’s a part of me that knows that we can start small and just set up a small auto savings chain where it pulls it out for you to be more responsible with money. I guess, so I feel more responsible with the money we do have because I feel that we have enough money. We’re just not necessarily spending it as wisely as we should have. 

Jaclyn Mellone

I love how you’re putting this because you’re starting to think that, okay well, I want to feel more responsible, and so there are things that you can be doing that help you feel more responsible. And when you feel more responsible, you feel that your capacity to be responsible with the amount of money is going to expand too. So clearly, you have done work, whether it was just inadvertently or just by being in this world for long enough for you’ve adjusted because you have been able to grow your business significantly. But it’s interesting where you had this $5,000 goal in the beginning of your business, you hit that and it almost feels like that may be a comfortable set point for you. That when it’s like you have the big monthly freak out, it seems like, okay it goes back to right around there, is the comfort set point. That may or may not be true, but sometimes we have those and we don’t realize that they’re there, but we have those set points.

So starting to realize what those are and starting to make them not mean anything, because even though we’re having this conversation about you making more money, this is so much bigger than that. You know that there’s a cycle over the course of the year, of different months are going to be more, different quarters are going to be more. And so I don’t want you tying your self worth to those months and the months that are high and you’re successful in the months that are low if it’s you’re making the amount that was your goal a couple of years ago, that means, back at that place that you were a couple of years ago because that’s not true. Those are stories that sometimes we tell ourselves that can hold us back.

Erin Alexander

The biggest thing is that I tie my self-worth into how much money I can make. That’s the biggest problem. 

Jaclyn Mellone

I know. I feel you on this, and this is something that I think a lot of us as business owners struggle with. Especially being in an industry where people talk about money, which is good, but also it seems that our success is tied to money. And on a month-to-month basis, That’s totally unrealistic way to be assessing ourselves. It’s just unfair of us to even do this.  

Switching gears for a moment, because as a mom, I think you may relate to this and this may help you start to draw some analogies. There are a lot of different ways to be a great mom, and so we may have in our head, especially before we become parents, but what being a parent looks like, or even what a good parent looks like. And then once we’re in that scenario, that’s going to change and we’re going to learn how to be the best parent for our unique kids, and it’s the same with our business. Not comparing that to others, and also in terms of you being a mom, you’re not tying your worth as a mom to how much money you’re making. And so in our business though, sometimes it can be a little bit muddier to separate that, the worth from the money because we’re so money-focused in our business. 

One of the things that I think will help, and again, these are big topics and it’s hard to do in a half-hour. But I want to get you going on this path, so you one, are just feeling more and more confident with growing this business, and as you’re making more money, you’re keeping that money and feeling that impact more too. You’re starting to step into this identity. So, one, in terms of the self-worth part of it, is this something that you’re conscious of too? Or is this something that you hadn’t really thought of until I brought it up?

Erin Alexander

It’s something I’m conscious of. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Okay, on a monthly basis, are you looking at numbers and then feeling good or bad based on them? 

Erin Alexander

Yes, I get that reports from my bookkeeper, and then I go over them. I don’t know if it’s necessarily that the numbers at that moment are the problem as much as the numbers in my bank account which fluctuate, because at the beginning of the month I had a lot of expenses, and at the end of the month is when all my payments are coming in. So it’s I know it’s going to refill, but that moment of worry when it’s lower is the part that makes me feel not as successful. 

Jaclyn Mellone

So a couple of things. So one exercise that I think would really help that I love to do, and you may have heard me say this over the years, a daily gratitude practice. Now, when we talk about gratitude, a lot of people tend to default to either very, so if I tell people to write a gratitude list. They’ll be, oh I’m so grateful for my husband. I’m so grateful for my kids. I’m so grateful for our house, like the things that you would expect. What I want you to do with this is want you to have most of this list, or even just to start, just have it be five or ten things. I want it to all be very specific things about yourself, and really have it be focused on just building that gratitude and that radical self-love acceptance with yourself. Exactly how you are, and so there’s going to be some things that you love about yourself, and you’re really proud about yourself that maybe you don’t take that time to acknowledge.

So that goes on the list. But I also want you to put things on the list that maybe there’s some insecurity or shame around to just start building that up. Because that is I think a really powerful starting point to starting to put that focus on how much you’re grateful for yourself and about yourself as a business owner and how you’ve grown. There are ways to look at it and say if you’re not perfectly organized. But maybe it’s being grateful that you’re creative. Or even just grateful that that’s how you run things, that’s you and just being grateful for you. So I would say you want it to be things that are mostly true. I’m trying to think of an example. 

So for me, I would say the things about my body, but just that I’m so grateful but this body was able to carry two babies and that stuff. Things like that with you, there may be some things that are more personal like that, or it may be more things that deal with the business side if that’s what’s coming up. Play around with it, it doesn’t have to be the same every day. Challenge yourself to be more specific and then challenge yourself to find the positives and the negatives. A lot of times when I’m giving this exercise, it’s more to do with money. And so something will come up with debt, and it’s easy to focus on the bad with debt or the shame around debt, but it’s how do you find that positive?

I’m so grateful that that debt was there when we needed it for that emergency, or I’m so grateful for that amazing trip that we had, that we were able to do because of the credit card. Whatever that situation was instead of feeling the guilt or shame about having the debt, it’s how you flip that around to the gratitude for being there. And so that’s what I want you to start to do with that focus on yourself with that spotlight on yourself. So that’s one exercise. 

So going back to this identity of who is this business owner that is making this money, that is running this business? I would say the next exercise for you to start to do is to start thinking about how do you see yourself in that role? So we did, we started talking about maybe some of the perceptions of Cheryl, of what she has. But you, stepping into that role, how do you see yourself, like the best, highest version of yourself? And I want you to do this when you’re writing it, but then I also want you to look at it critically and be like, okay am I being unrealistic? Am I saying that I need to be perfect in some way to be there? Or am I saying, okay no this is just me. I think the responsible example is really good, so do you need to be perfect to be responsible? Or you can start saying, you know what, if I’m going to have that amount of money, I see that person who’s making whatever that amount is per month.

Let’s say 20K a month or 30K a month, as being someone who’s responsible. But what does that mean? And you don’t have to go into all of the details because you’ve been there, whatever that there is for you, you know a little bit maybe of what’s involved with that. But I think it’s more of that, okay so if I need to feel responsible, it doesn’t mean you need to be perfectly responsible, but it’s starting to see how you can step into that.  But essentially what I want you to do is start to brainstorm that this is that identity that I want to shift into. So what does that identity look like? And it can be overwhelming to think about everything. So think of just a couple of characteristics of that identity that maybe feels different than where you are now. Now, if there’s something that’s radically different, is there something that’s radically different that comes up for you where it’s like, in order to really sustain that, I would need to be this which just feels like a totally different person? Is there anything like that that comes up? 

Erin Alexander

No, I don’t think so. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Usually, if there’s something that’s radically different, it’s just a limiting belief that you need to be that way in order to be that. So normally, it’s just going to be something that maybe feels different, but that isn’t exactly where you are right now. So let’s say, part of that is let’s tap into this responsible one because I think that’s a good example. I’m going to make that amount of money. I need to be responsible, and right now I don’t feel responsible. So you see the disconnection of the identity is that we can’t be trusted. We’re not responsible. We spend money on things we shouldn’t. That’s the current identity. You want to shift into this other identity that is responsible. So how do you do that? You start slowly showing yourself that you are. You start feeling responsible, and that gives you that feeling that you are this identity, and starts to help you build that bridge from one to the other. 

So with this, and I think you gave a great example here of we could set up the account and we could just be putting a little bit in. It doesn’t have to be that you’re now making these massive payments towards college, but it could be that little shift of, we did it. We can do this, we can set up the account. We can consistently contribute. We’re responsible. And then getting even a level deeper when you say that we can’t be trusted. I realize these are things that you were saying off the top of your head. But I think this is something a lot of people are going to relate to. What does that mean? Can you give me an example maybe? Are you open to sharing something of, when you think about that I can’t be trusted, what comes up? 

Erin Alexander

I think these past times when you get a new credit card and it’s like, oh you get six months interest-free and then not having paid it off in the interest-free period, so it’s like, why did we? That’s an example, but I recently paid something off. In that introductory period, my husband had eye surgery that had to be paid off within a year for interest, and I did it without interest or late payments. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh, I see. And this is, one, that’s amazing. Congrats. And I think this is where sometimes we hang on to that old identity and we hang on to that evidence of the past, we didn’t do this so that means  X. Where there’s usually just as much, if not more evidence, and if there’s not, we can create it. But you immediately said, but actually recently we had this other scenario and we did it. I think this responsible thing is going to be one of the big pieces of this identity. So starting to make an evidence list of just all of the ways that you are staying really conscious of the fact that you are responsible, that you can be trusted, and maybe even making it into a little bit of a game of sorts. What does it mean to be trusted? What does it mean to be responsible? What’s something that you can do on a small scale, to show yourself in the present that you can be trusted? Is there something that you think of that could be a way for you to bring this in now? Or is there something you’ve held off on doing, because you don’t feel ready or that you can be trusted for it?

Erin Alexander

I feel that I felt that way last year when I wanted to buy a new car. I felt that I couldn’t afford it. I can’t be trusted to have a car loan. They’re not going to give me a loan based on my credit, or not even my credit, but my income from being a small business owner is a little different the way they calculate it. But that wasn’t true either because I got a car loan with 0% interest. 

Jaclyn Mellone

So every month when you’re making that payment, I want you to say to yourself, well I’m making this payment, I can be trusted. I got it, and I’m paying for it. Every month when you’re paying your contractors, start to do that. Now, you mentioned wanting to potentially bring them full-time. You also mentioned I don’t think you mentioned on here, but when we originally talked, you mentioned maybe just feeling comfortable or confident to delegate more, bring on more contractors. What are your thoughts on that?

Erin Alexander

Yes, I’d like to spend my time marketing and have my team be the ones designing. Right now, that’s not possible. I don’t have the support. I have amazing contractors who do a lot, but they’re not me, so I still have to either train them or find someone else to hire. I think it’s also really scary to be the one to say that I wanted to step out of the current client work since that’s what I’ve always done. Also, it’s really easy to bury yourself in client work and not show up in other ways. I’m too busy with clients to promote myself or be on someone else’s podcast. Sometimes it’s an excuse. 

Jaclyn Mellone

And sometimes, we create the scenario where that’s the case because of avoiding those things. But it sounds like that’s the type of thing you want to do, and so it’s just stepping more into that. So when you’re going through the identity of this person who’s making more, I think this is a key piece of it is, what is your role? How are you showing up in your business? What type of work are you doing? What type of team do you have? So what does that look like? How are you running the team? How are you running your day and then starting to look at, okay what are some of these other things? So Let’s say part of this is delegating having the right team. How can you start to move in that direction? And you were saying before that you’re prioritizing certain things or I don’t have time for that, so I’m not prioritizing it. But if that’s something you want, how can you start to slowly take those steps and maybe train up a team member that you currently have? And it doesn’t have to be that big leap to full-time, but maybe they’re able to do just a little bit more, or maybe you’re able to bring on a specialist with something who is able to fill another gap so you can start moving in that direction. Sometimes you look at things and you’re like, I could take this leap right now. I just haven’t been, but a lot of times it’s more of, okay it doesn’t have to be one or the other. We can start to build that bridge one block at a time. 

Erin Alexander

Yes. I think that I get myself into a cycle of, if I delegate more, I won’t be able to pay them except that if I do delegate more, I will have more time to market and take on-call calls, and it’s like a scale that I keep trying to balance. But I never fully get to the right place because I’m afraid that I won’t be able to pay for them if I use them more. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Which you know, I’m not going to say, I really believe that you’re going to be able to pay them and then go out and do it. And then you don’t have money to pay the contractors. We don’t want to get you in that scenario. So how can you plan ahead for that? And part of that’s going to be stepping into, I do trust myself. I am responsible and in starting to take those steps of if I was to pay them more, what would that look like and run the numbers? Can you start to put a little bit of a side every month get to that point where you can do this for a couple of projects and you have that money set aside so you can fund it, and it can almost be an experiment because, in something like this, I don’t want you to go into it and then if it doesn’t work, it’s like, oh it’ll never work. I’m not trustworthy. 

And then you make it mean all these different things. But if you were to go into it and say, you know what, this next project or this next month, I’m going to pay them X amount. They’ll be able to take on this piece and I’ll be able to spend my time doing this, and see what happens. And then you can assess it. Okay, you know what? I didn’t spend as much time doing X, Y, and Z as I should have, or you know what I did those activities but sometimes it takes 2, 3, 6 months for that to turn into revenue. And so there are all these things that may be just one month in and out, isn’t going to give you that full impact of how it would work. 

But I think if that’s the sticking point that’s keeping you from doing the things that would allow you to scale the business, how can you set yourself up to be able to be confident that you can pay them? And maybe you prepare for it for a few months, so you actually do that and it’s not just this pie in the sky idea. Also, when you have months that are bigger, being able to say, instead of paying myself more that month, I’m going to put that money aside so I can fund X, Y, and Z.

And we’re getting a little bit more strategic here, but it’s showing yourself that it’s possible. It’s starting to, I think, take it slowly, sometimes we set really big goals. We set goals all the time in our industry. If we’re going to double triple 10 X, but outside of this industry, I feel that that’s not as common or normal. And so the cool thing is, those things are possible, but your brain has to be able to keep up with it. And so when you’re able to see one, how are the ways that for these bigger sticking points, how can I slowly show myself and earn that trust with myself or start to really show myself how I can step into this new identity? There are ways to do it, but solely, sometimes we’re able to just make that shift and it can happen really fast. I say, setting up for the slow and stepping into that feeling is what’s going to help speed it up. But I think pairing the mindset with the actionable strategies is what gets you on that path the fastest. 

Erin Alexander

I agree. 

Jaclyn Mellone

Okay. Is there anything that you’re having an internal but about, this sounds good but it’s not going to work because of this, or anything that feels like a sticking point?

Erin Alexander

No. I think my personal biggest hurdle is just coming back to it every single day because I’ll do really good for two months, and then all of a sudden I feel someone pays something late and I’m like, oh I’m never going to make it. So it’s just like a constant reminder that it’s always getting better, and it’s always a work in progress. 

Jaclyn Mellone 

Yes, and in those moments, whether it’s looking at, if this month isn’t a great month, but still saying, you know finding the gratitude in like we made this much. Not making it mean anything that that monthly amount doesn’t have to mean anything. But also, if somebody is paying late, let’s not make that mean anything either. Handle the problem with it, but it doesn’t have to mean more than that. Sometimes when we attach meaning to those things, that’s what I think it makes them spiral out of control almost. Where it’s like, oh they’re paying me late because this or because clients aren’t reliable, or because of something that I did and that’s when it can turn into more where if we just tackle it and don’t make it mean anything, don’t attach that meaning to it because it doesn’t have to mean anything.

So the same scenario could happen to 10 different people and they could interpret it in 10 different ways. There’s no one right or wrong meaning to it. So starting to really detach from that of making it mean something. So one, this is a journey. You’re on it. You’re doing amazing at it. You’ve grown so much over the years and you’re really, I think at a pivotal point where you can step into this next level. You know that it can happen fast because it already happened. So that’s really great place to be at and starting to just take these steps. So do that gratitude, what you’re grateful for, especially about yourself, and start to maybe see what’s the identity you’re holding now? What are those beliefs about where you’re at now? Good and bad. And what is the identity of the person at the next level? It can be overwhelming. So I would say, maybe pick three or max of five different parts of that identity that you’re going to focus on. Don’t limit yourself to start to brainstorm a bunch of things, but then pick the five that you’re like, okay how can I start to step into that? And pick activities that allow you to feel those things. So I need to be responsible, what can you do to feel responsible? And that’s going to help you connect that, make that leap a lot faster. 

Alright, well thank you for sharing with us and being so open, Erin. How can we stay in touch with you? 

Erin Alexander

The best place to hang out with me is on Instagram, @product.powerhouse, or my podcast, Product Powerhouse.

Jaclyn Mellone

Alright, amazing. Thank you so so much. 

Erin Alexander

Thank you, Jaclyn.

Jaclyn Mellone

How amazing is Erin? Hopefully, you got some great takeaways out of today. Whether you are struggling with something like Erin or something totally different. One, if you want to do an on-air coaching call with me for free, go to jaclynmellone.com/onaircoaching. And if you’re like, okay Jaclyn, I could really use your coaching but I’m a little bit more private or I want to talk about something that’s a little bit more sensitive. Can I have a private coaching call with you? And right now, I am offering them up. So if you are listening to this while this is live, this is not something I always offer. I’m going to do an episode in the coming weeks. I’m telling you a little bit more about why I’m offering these now and how that all works. But if that is something that you’re interested in, doing a private intensive with me, go to jaclynmellone.com/strategy to go ahead and book one of those.

Alright, that’s it for today. If you did take anything away from this episode or something you’re going to implement or something you did implement, DM me on Instagram. I would love to hear about what your takeaways were and how you’re implementing this in your own business and shifting your own mindset. 

Alright, that is a wrap for today. Thanks so much for being here. I so appreciate you, and as always, I’m cheering you on. 

Can I just say, thank you so much for listening. I don’t think I’m saying it enough, but I love that you are here. If you enjoyed today’s episode, or if you’ve been getting value from this podcast, can you do me a quick favor. Head on over to iTunes and leave a rating and review. When you leave a rating and review, it basically tells iTunes that they need to spread the word and tell more people about this podcast, and I am on a mission to get the word out. I’m so grateful for your support. We want to make sure to shout you out too. So if you do leave a rating and review, keep your eyes and ears open. We will be either shouting out in the podcast or on Instagram Stories.