[On Air Coaching] Does This Make Me Look Flaky? | How to Reign in Judgy People + A Harsh Inner Critic with Aubrey Mathis

Jaclyn Mellone

Welcome to Go-To Gal, episode number 199. As always, I’m your host, Jaclyn Mellone. And today’s episode is for you if you have ever had that thought of, who am I to do this? Or who do I think I am? Or maybe, you have people in your life or in your community who are actually saying those things and are like, who does she think she is? Oh, maybe in your head, you’re worried that you’re doing too many things and that you look like a flake. That’s one of the things that came up in our conversation on this on-air coaching call. But that story doesn’t have to sound exactly like that for you to see yourself and, or maybe hear yourself, and for you to get something out of our coaching session today.

We dive into, basically, mindset but a little bit of strategy at the end. So if you’re multi-passionate, hang out for that all the way to the end. But it’s really about the judgments of ourselves and our own self-talk where we’re judging ourselves, as well as the actual judgments and out loud talk of people who may be online or in your community. So what do you do about that and what can we do about that? Let’s dive into that. That is exactly what we explore in this conversation. I don’t even want to give anything more than that away. So I’m going to formally introduce you to our on-air coaching called guest today, Aubrey. And then we’ll dive in. Aubrey’s going to tell us what’s going on with her. I’m going to coach her through it, give her some strategy, mostly coaching. I’ll have to just talk it out and look and reframe, and look at things in a different way. And these are tools that even if you don’t have the same exact situation as Aubrey, if you struggle with any sort of negative self-talk around your business, or if you were experiencing and or if you’re experiencing any actual out loud negative talk from other people towards you and your business, then I think you’re going to relate a lot to this conversation.

Now, before I formally introduce you to our guest today, I want to remind you. If you haven’t already yet to go take our Which movie villain is sabotaging your success? Free quiz, now this quiz is essentially about figuring out who that inner critic is if you’ve heard that expression before in your head. Yes, I said, who? So people talk about, oh, you have an inner critic or an inner mean girl. I like to say, an inner villain voice. They’re not all created equal. In fact, I found that there are three different types. And we put together this quiz to help you figure out who that voice is, because believe it or not, the advice I would give you to overcome it is going to be different depending on which inner villain voice you have. So go take the quiz for free, and also we’ll email you your custom conquer plan depending on which inner villain is living rent-free in your head. So go to jaclynmellone.com/quiz to take that for free. Okay, let me formally introduce you to Aubrey.

Aubrey Mathis is the wife of a real-life rodeo cowboy, and she can’t even ride a horse. I love that fun fact. She’s a mom of two little women, a writer of romance books, creative at heart, and a frequently stressed-out mom. Aubrey considers herself a business builder rather than an entrepreneur, and it’s her mission to help them and go from stressed out moms to moms fulfilled by giving the tips, tricks, and tools to build a business, grow in faith and raise babies. Aubrey will never tell you to have a good day, but always tell you to have a happy day. All right, let’s get to it. Here is our on-air coaching call with Aubrey. 

Aubrey, I’m so excited to have you here today.

Aubrey Mathis

Thank you. Thank you.

Jaclyn Mellone

Yes. Okay, so before we dive in, take us back in time to when you were growing up. What were you the go-to gal for back then?

Aubrey Mathis

Well, as a child, I had not only one, but three imaginary friends. So I have always been the go-to creative gal. I got paid in high school to write other people’s fiction stories. I got paid to write thank you notes. You name it, I was writing stuff for people. My dad likes to say I was given the gift of bull crap, but I like to think that I’m creative.

Jaclyn Mellone

What a beautiful way to put it.

Aubrey Mathis

Yes, I like to think that I’m just creative.

Jaclyn Mellone

I do too. Okay, so fast forward to today, tell us what do you do and who do you help?

Aubrey Mathis

So locally, I am a women empowerment and branding photographer in Central Texas. I empower women to feel good about themselves. You can call it boudoir photos, whatever you want to call it. And I just have a heart for that. I love that. I write women’s fiction books, which is just a way for me to let out all my creative anxiety, basically. If I’m nervous or anxious, I can write about anything. And then I also host a podcast called Stressed Out Mom Podcast and blog. And I just help stressed-out moms, just trying to do the best they can.

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh, all right. I love how multi-passionate you are. And I see some dots connecting and some dots not connecting, and these brand new things. Right. Which is okay. Not all the dots need to connect. So tell me, or tell us, how can I support you today with this on-air coaching call, if you will? What is your question? What are you struggling with?

Aubrey Mathis

So with so many different things and so many dots, and like you said, I like to think that my connect the dots is an abstract work. It’s hard though to always show up and feel like I’m not a flake. You’re multi-passionate but all the business experts and stuff tell you to niche down and only focus on one thing. Well, I don’t want to do that. I like all the things. But I do struggle to consistently talk about one thing. People are like, well, are you a photographer? Are you a writer today? Are you building a spaceship and going to the moon? I feel like that’s what they’re thinking, and maybe they’re not. Maybe that’s my own insecurities.

Jaclyn Mellone

Well, who’s going to say, let’s start there because other people are one thing. But if you’re thinking this, I guess it sounds like you are thinking this. I’m going to ask it as more of a point, but do you feel that you’re being a flake with all of these things?  Do you hold that belief or do you have that feeling, or is it a fear that other people are thinking about you?

Aubrey Mathis

I think it’s both. I think I have so many ideas. If people honestly knew the amount of domains I owned, it would probably almost be a mental illness. But I think as a creative, if I don’t serve the things that are in my head, I will just not really feel a zest for anything. I’ve actually been doing photography since 1998. Yes, that shows my age. But I’m just now leaning into the women empowerment and branding side of it. No more families, no more weddings, and I’m loving it. I’m absolutely loving it. And I think fuels the part of me that feels like I have to bring in an income, but then my heart-centered voice is like, oh, you need to be reaching out and helping moms who are in the same season of life that you are. And I’m like, okay, I’m going to go for that. 

Jaclyn Mellone

So you’re going for it, you’re doing it. Let me ask you this in a different way. What does it mean to be a flake?

Aubrey Mathis

Oh, I guess starting something and then being like, no, well that didn’t work out. I lose my attention span very quickly if I don’t see the needle moving. I’m an instant gratification type person. I need to see 500 people in my group, so I feel like that’s what being a flake means to me. Maybe I should put it this way. I can flake out on something if I don’t see gratification soon.

Jaclyn Mellone

Okay, well, first of all, you have definitely not flaked out on photography because it has been going strong since 1998. It was like the opposite of flake-ness. I think we can agree on that. Oh, so with the writing books and with this Stressed Out Mom brand and podcast and everything with that, are you worried? It’s interesting because it looks like, so the original question was, I’m worried that people are going to think I’m a flake, but it’s interesting as we’ve dove into it, almost feels like you’re worried that you’re going to be a flake.

Aubrey Mathis

Yes, I think that’s probably because I generally don’t worry about what other people think. But if we want to really rewind time, when we first met, I was in a whole nother business venture with a subscription box.

Jaclyn Mellone

I probably was too.

Aubrey Mathis

I think you were.

Jaclyn Mellone

Right. So that’s where it’s like, we pivot, we evolve.

Aubrey Mathis

We learn so much.  I felt like I learned so much about how, one, that was not really a business that was bringing me joy, that was just a stepping stone because I’ve learned so much about the backend of marketing and social media and all the things you need to be online that has led me up to the Stressed Out Mom. So I know all the things now, but it’s like, I have tried a lot of different crap to get to learn this. So that’s where the flakiness comes in. It’s like, well, I tried this and it really wasn’t what I wanted. I guess it’s like going to college and changing your major eight times. So yes, I think it’s just that feeling in the back of my head of like, this is not where I started. And I’ve already pivoted so much that if I was Ross from Friends, the couch would be off the stairs.

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh, my God. I love that analogy so much, the couch would be off the stairs. So listen, when you brought this question to me, I’m like, this is so perfect to bring on the podcast because one,  I, myself have pivoted umpteen times. And I think most of us in this online business space who’s been around for a while, who’s had any type of success. I can’t think of anyone whose business is exactly the same as when they’ve started if they’ve been in business for a while. And if they found success with it, it’s usually because one thing leads us to the next, and entrepreneurs by design want to be starting things and building things.

And so all of this to say, this seems like it’s a story that you’re telling yourself about the flakiness. But I think it’s a story that a lot of us tell ourselves. And so that’s why I’m like, let’s talk about this because, me, just saying, well, it’s the story you’re telling yourself. Okay, well, what am I going to do with that information now, Jaclyn? And here’s the thing. You may have a couple of people that are following you that are like, oh my gosh, I need another business. You may have a couple of people like that. We don’t like those people. Those people are not supportive. That’s like energy. But we can’t control if those people exist or not.

A couple of things I want to reflect back to you and have you think about here is, one, and I noticed this very early on in my business is that how I talked about my business led to how other people talked about my business. Now, this isn’t always the case. I feel like I need a big asterisk sign here. Sometimes we have people in our lives that are unsupportive or that are toxic, or that are just really negative or that have been really burned and hurt and just wrapped up in their own stuff. That’s going to happen. But for the most part, people around you who are well-intentioned, if we come off as talking, a lot of people tend to downplay their business, or they don’t know how to talk about it. And so they talk about it in a way that sounds. So it’s like, oh, how’s your day, did I see you start the business? Well, I don’t know. I’m trying to do this or I’m seeing, or I was doing this and now I’m doing something different. We can downplay, or we can just share all of our stuff. We could just word-vomit all of our struggles, or we’re thinking what they might be thinking and trying to get ahead of that. It doesn’t feel confident. It doesn’t feel exciting. But when someone asks, oh, what’s going on? You’re like, well, I still have the photography business. I’ve been doing that for however many years or decades now, and that’s going great. And now I’ve expanded, I’ve published X number of books. And I recently launched a new media company where we have a podcast and an online community, and it’s really exciting. And I’m getting to share what I’m doing and connect with these other moms that are in a similar stage. So a lot going on but it’s all really exciting. And see how, me, presenting what you’re doing there.  It’s exciting, right? That’s not flaky, it’s growth. It’s passion. You’re creating and you’re doing, and you’re helping people but you could present the same story in a very different way.

Aubrey Mathis

Yes. I think I’m probably presenting it in the first way that you said like, oh well.

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh yes, I still do photography, and I’m trying to do podcasting now. And you can talk about it in a totally different way. And the thing here, I’m using the example of talking about it to other people, because sometimes, especially, I don’t know when this episode’s going to air but especially we’re getting close to the holiday season, and those real-life conversations tend to come up more. And so that certainly could be the case. But a lot of times, if that’s how you’re talking about it, whether it’s with family or friends over holidays or just in your everyday life, it’s also probably how you’re talking about it in your head to some degree. And it sounds like that is probably the biggest situation going on now.

Aubrey Mathis

Yes, most definitely. But I love how you said, oh, and I’ve expanded into this. And I was like, oh, that word expand makes it sound so much more. I mean, just changing that one little word from trying to expand is just like…

Jaclyn Mellone

I’m a professional rebrander here. I’m a professional here and it’s spinning, putting a spin on things. But the thing is, with stuff like this, you can spin it in any direction you want. So why are we defaulting to spinning something negative? If what we’re talking about is at worst neutral, and this isn’t every scenario but with you specifically. Your businesses are the very least neutral at the very best at the very most. They’re really exciting and things you should be proud of that you’re creating and that you’re doing it. How many people sit around and twiddle their thumbs and think about doing stuff? You were out there doing. So there’s so much to take pride in with that. And that’s where you get to decide how you think about these things. And we can’t control how other people think, but I find that when we make that decision and we show up with a certain energy, most people are going to follow that.

Aubrey Mathis

Yes. So I probably took almost a month and a half office/ social media before I started putting out the podcast, because I was like, okay, I’m just going to rely on SEO because I’m not going to even tell anybody about this. It’s like, I’m not going to broadcast it. I’m not going to say anything. So there were a lot of pullbacks. But even when I post it one time that, hey, I have this podcast. I had so many downloads. And whether it was just nosey nellies or people who actually wanted to hear it, I’ve gotten some really good feedback from it. And I still don’t talk about it.

Jaclyn Mellone

Oh, okay. I don’t know if you know this about me, and I know I’ve shared this story quite a bit in other interviews that I’ve done. But I don’t know if I’ve, I’m sure I’ve shared at some point on the podcast, but it’s worth sharing again. So when I was first starting my business online back in 2015, I was exactly the same as you with this. So I wasn’t exactly the same because I was just starting off online. But I didn’t want to share with people who knew me in real life what I was doing. Now, of course, my husband, my parents knew what I was doing, but in terms of Facebook or my actual Instagram, I did not want those people to know that I was starting a business. And a lot of that is because I look back now and call myself a wantrepreneur for most of my 20s. I had a lot of ideas. Some of them turned into businesses. Most of them ended up in the logo phase and never got past that. I just didn’t know where it was going to go. I didn’t know how to talk about it yet. And I was really afraid of judgment. I was afraid of failure and failing publicly. I did have one business where it was a little bit more public and it was like, I was on the front page of the business section of the newspaper and stuff like that back in 2005. And I think that part of me was probably like, Ooh, I don’t want to go out there in that big of away and then changed my mind, or it did not work out or what have you. And so it was a brand, I didn’t have my face really on it. I didn’t have my name on it. I cast, and so I wasn’t completely in the business witness protection program. But I feel like I remember back then on Facebook, if you joined a Facebook group that was like female entrepreneurs, it would tell all of your Facebook friends that you joined that group.

And so I would join these groups and then I would go in and change my privacy settings, delete them from my timeline because I did not want people even seeing that I was joining these Facebook groups. So I really relate to you like that, I don’t want to tell these people what I’m doing because of all of that. Now, over time that has changed. And there’s a couple of things here for you. One it’s like, okay, with social media, what is your social media audience expecting? Someone’s following you for a certain reason is the content that you’re sharing and creating in alignment with that. So I don’t want to just be all pie in the sky here and be like, you can talk about anything and everything.

 At a certain point, it might be confusing to the person following. And maybe there’s a way to do it whether you are a personal brand, and people are interested in these different ventures you have going on. And maybe for certain things, there’s another dedicated account that’s all just for that, or maybe it doesn’t need a social media account. So when it comes to social media, there is nuance here, and I don’t want to completely skip over that. But when it comes to you sharing or not wanting to share, what do you think that is? As we’re talking about this more, what do you think is holding you back from sharing it more?

Aubrey Mathis

Probably just that whole fear, again, of failure publicly or not necessarily failure, but just like, oh, here’s Aubrey doing something else, or who does she think she is, an influencer? Because I am from a small town and I don’t have to be told that they’re saying that. I know that they’re saying that. And I say, I don’t care. But then I’m like, I don’t want my girls to hear, oh, your mom’s doing something else. Or my mom said, you’re doing this, or my mom said, you’re right, your mom talks about sex or whatever. And I’m very open with my girls and they listened to my podcast, and they know I write books. And we were fine with it as a family. But I feel like if I put it out there again, oh, your mom takes naked pictures of women. And I’m like, that’s not what I do at all. I make women feel good about themselves. So I try to make it a learning lesson, but then I’m like, crap, I’m tired. I am a stressed-out mom and I don’t have time to deal with this. Why can’t everybody just mind their own business and if they like it, like it? And if you don’t, just scroll along. So I guess I’m having struggles with just scrolling along.

Jaclyn Mellone

I understand that. Here’s a question for you. Take yourself out of this because especially, because you brought your family into this, if this was your daughter who was doing this. This is one of your daughters doing this, what would you say to her?

Aubrey Mathis

Oh, goodness. Well, let’s see. I would probably tell her, do what makes you happy. And also maybe stick to one thing. You probably need to finish this before you start something. But I’m very much like, we don’t care what people think. But a little bit we do.

Jaclyn Mellone

Is the little bit that we do like, is that the unspoken part? Okay, I want to address that. But I also want to, what do you want the people in your town and in your community to say?

Aubrey Mathis

Oh man, I want them to be like, we get it. We want to uplift women the same way. We wanted to cheer them on because they do not. And that’s why I have found such a great community online because those reels or TikToks where they’re like people in my actual life looking down, but people I’ve never met on the internet are clapping and cheering each other on. Just be like that. Maybe pretend you don’t know me or that you’re not jealous that I get to do this stuff. Just give me alike. I’m not asking you to give me anything. Let’s just raise our kids better. Let’s just stop it. And I say that sometimes in my podcast or in a blog, let’s be better. But it’s a choice. And a lot of those haven’t made the choice. And sadly, they’re still all on my Facebook.

Jaclyn Mellone

So this is really interesting because of what you’re saying, I know. I don’t even know. I literally do not know anybody. Maybe I do, but I just don’t know. But I know that there must be other people that live there that feel like you feel. And what you are doing in terms of choosing your passions and taking action and creating, and sure, we can look at this strategically and be like, how do we align these more to get you more synergy between the brands? Or which one’s going to be the most profitable? But that’s not the conversation we’re having. And not everything we do in life has to lead back to money. Money is not our only measuring stick for success and fulfillment. In fact, a lot of times, it’s not the measuring stick. Maybe some people in society tell us it should be, but when it comes to your own feeling of fulfillment and success in your business, that may not be on the table at all. You, owning that and modeling that for your daughters of what it looks like to follow your dreams and your passion and take action, and put yourself out there and be vulnerable and take a chance, and all these things. Say the things that are going to help other people too. Say the thing that no one’s brave enough to say, but you’re going to change lives by saying it. You are modeling all of that. Now, you just need to own it. You’re already doing it. I love that you’re already doing it. Maybe you’re not sharing it to the grid that you want, but you’re not letting any of this hold you back, which can we just acknowledge? Because you could have let all of this stop you from ever doing any of this. But you didn’t. That’s huge. How many people let that stop them?

Aubrey Mathis

Yes, a lot.

Jaclyn Mellone

A lot. And that’s probably why they’re stressed out because they’re so worried about everyone else’s opinion with everything.  And then also with the work that you do with photography and really being able to make women feel a certain way about themselves and help them get into that, and feeling empowered and into that, that might be the first time they’ve ever done something like that. And you’re creating that space, you’re creating that opportunity. And with the books that you’re writing, people are able to have that escape and connection or whatever that is that they’re getting from the reading experience. So there are all these positives in the work that you do. And I just really want you to just soak that up. Soak that up and feel freaking proud for all of the stuff that you’re doing. And I think sharing it with your family through that lens because it sounds like your family’s already supportive. But taking this to the next level of letting them know, you know what, there’s some people that might say, who does she think she is, does she think she’s an influencer? Actually yes, I influence people. So that makes me an influencer.  Actually, yes.

Oh, actually, yes. And there’s nothing wrong with that. So just because they’re so wrapped up in themselves or the way that things should be, or them saying, oh, your mom talks about sex. Okay, oh, you don’t talk about sex? That’s weird. Maybe you should, maybe you should. How is that affecting you that you don’t talk about it? Maybe you throw it back on them. And so I think, one, I want you to just feel what this feels like for you to step into that confidence around it because you’re already doing it so often. What I think is really fascinating about this situation is that we often don’t do things because of this. And so it’s like, let’s change this narrative so we can get ourselves into action. But we think you’re already doing it. It’s just maybe you’re not being as loud about it as you could be because of this. And so you already have this momentum, you already had this going. It’s just really taking a step back and looking at it as an outsider. But as an outsider, that’s just in awe, that’s appreciative. That is like, wow, you’re doing this. I’m so grateful that you said this. Through the lens of the people who are actually hiring you and reading your books and listening to your podcast, looking at yourself through that lens of the people that you’re supporting and taking on just a little bit, just a little bit of that magic, a little bit of that confidence from them and starting to see yourself the way that they see you. With these people in town, I realize it’s maybe not as easy as us talking about what these comebacks could be, but it’s also about, you don’t care. I know you don’t care what they think because you did it anyway. So now it’s just, how do you navigate the awkwardness of them being awkward?

Aubrey Mathis

So I have a Facebook group. My women empowerment sessions are called Beautiful Woman Sessions because that’s what we are. We did the glamourous shots as girls. And now, we need to be captured in this season that we are in. I have almost 500 women there, and I literally just started a couple of months ago. But a lady in there that I know had added some friends and she did comment, even if you don’t take pictures, you need to be in this group just for the affirmations and the confidence. Because I go live there and I give tips like it’s time for us to be proud of ourselves. So that is something I did print out and be like, that’s why I’m doing this. And then on my Instagram, I had a lady send me a voicemail on a podcast that she listened to. And I was talking about how to deal with grief. I went back to today, my suck days. And she was like, I really felt like that podcast was put into my earbuds this morning because I just lost my aunt. So I’m like, okay, I’m serving these people and I’ve got to remember that I’m serving these people, not the people that are hating. It’s still hard to be like, okay, today I’m going to sell my book, and tomorrow I’m going to talk about… or my podcast comes out tomorrow, we’re going to talk about mom depression and how we could get over that. But I feel like that’s something that needs to be out. So it’s like, okay, do I need to separate everything?

Jaclyn Mellone

So it’s a big question. I don’t want to pretend as I can just give you a simple answer there. And I don’t know, I don’t know the answer. I don’t feel like I know enough to know the answer. I can give you an answer, but I don’t feel like it’s informed advice and I don’t want it to be reckless with that. So what I want to say to you is, as you’re getting clarity on who you’re creating for through all these different ventures and who you’re not creating for, the haters. I also think that content, like you, was saying with the reels of the people in real life first people on the internet, even taking it a step further, because I know there are women in your community that is really going to resonate with what you’re saying. And so, saying things that they’re going to resonate with too perhaps. And saying the things that we’re saying, my thought is that there’s likely just a handful of these really loud, really grumpy, really hateful people. And the rest probably don’t notice or are watching in awe is just a few.

So you, talking to those other people who are feeling judged, I think is going to unlock something for them. But the point of what you’re doing is not for you to be building this community locally, I want you to be intentionally creating this narrative in your head, in your family, and in your community. So people can say what they’re going to say. But that doesn’t shift how you and your family view it. And in fact, the more that it gets said to you or to others that now, you’ve given them. Once you start addressing this, I feel like you’re going to come up with some go-to language that you or your family or your friends, when it comes up, can start to say that maybe it makes people backpedal a little bit. Who do you think she is? Who do you think you are to be saying something about it?

Aubrey Mathis

I’m, like, really good with words. Most of the time, especially words for other people, all the words. But when it’s like my words, I’m like, hold on, let me think about that.

Jaclyn Mellone

It might help you though to think about this, and I know it’s still about you. So trying to distance yourself from it in whatever way you tend to trick your brain into coming up with the words, but think about if that person were to say something to a family member or to a friend and from their lens.

Aubrey Mathis

Yes.

Jaclyn Mellone

What would you want them to say?

Aubrey Mathis

Oh, that’s probably the best advice ever. I need to think about if they told my sister because I will go to fight for my sister. When it’s on you, I’m not that woman. I’m not that strong of a woman to take up for myself. I will fight for anybody else, but I’m like, oh, well let me think about this. Oh, maybe they’re right.

Jaclyn Mellone

Not anymore. Not after today, Aubrey. Today is the day that you, I think you can be that woman. For so many women, you are that woman. So now it’s just about you being that woman for yourself. So could be Mehta too. I could see you talking about this on your podcast. You know that you can channel that energy because you can do it without even thinking about it for someone else. So it’s there.

Aubrey Mathis

Yes, it’s just channeling that for myself. I am like, okay, I’ll do all the things, I’ll buy all the Thanksgiving dinner. I’ll make it. Nobody has to worry. I got it. So yes, it’s just thinking about it, really thinking about it. What would I tell somebody else to say? And then just sticking to my guns.

Jaclyn Mellone

Yes. A thousand percent yes to that. So a couple of other things, one, and this is going to lead into the other is when you get to the heart of what you do in all of these different areas, none of it’s about you. None of it’s about you. So your photography is about the woman who you’re photographing. Your books are about the woman who’s reading those books. And your podcast, your Facebook group, and all of that are about the women in that community. Now, you may be sharing your own advice or stories and relating to them, but it’s all about them. So I think keeping that top of mind is going to help you step into that mama bear mode that you have when you’re protective of someone else. I want you to feel that when someone is being critical of you. I want you to feel that they’re being critical of your community.

Aubrey Mathis

Right. Oh, yes.

Jaclyn Mellone

Okay, so that’s a mindset shift. That’s real because if they’re like, who are you to talk about this? Well, how many women listen to this podcast? How many women are so grateful for this conversation? How many women are going through this exact same thing? And I’m just the one that’s talking about it first so we can all talk about it. So how dare you try to mess that up? 

Aubrey Mathis

Yes. Love that.

Jaclyn Mellone

So I think that may be a way that your brain already works, your natural, protective energy. So we could tap into that. Okay, we know that you are already wired like this. So it’s like trying to change how you’re wired because that’s hard to do. Or maybe impossible to do depending on what the task is. Let’s work with that. So working with that, okay, we know you’re naturally going to be able to channel that energy around protecting someone else. So any criticism of you is a criticism of your community, it’s one and the same. And it truly is. And you are doing this in service. And so anyone, critiquing that is critiquing the service and is critiquing the community that’s a part of.

Aubrey Mathis

Yes, absolutely. I love that mind shift.

Jaclyn Mellone: Okay. So that’ll be good. I think that’s going to help you truly to embody that spirit around all of this. And then taking it back to when you were like, okay, can I do this all on the same account? Is it separate? I still don’t want to give you that direct answer because I don’t know. But it’s important to have a through-line. So if we’re putting the woman first, if we’re putting that community whether it’s someone being photographed or reading the book or listening to the podcast, if we’re putting her first, what is the through-line for why she’s showing up? So if it’s Instagram, why is she there? Why is she connected with you there? And when you get clear on that, okay, who is this woman? And what does she want? What are her goals and dreams? What are her struggles and fears? What is she getting out of following this account? Literally, why does she follow the account? And it may not be the way it is now. But the direction you want to go in with that of, okay, what does she benefit from following me here? What kind of content helps her? What kind of content does she want to share with her friends? What kind of content is going to make an impact on her? And how does she connect with the work that I’m doing? That’s going to help you create the through-line or to see the through-line that may be there through all three or maybe it’s two of the three, or maybe there’s one that’s strong enough that she deserves its own. Because it muddied with the other two, it’s not as strong.

Aubrey Mathis

Right. Right. Okay, that’s going to take some gut.

Jaclyn Mellone

It’s going to take some time and that’s where I’m like, I don’t want to just tell you what to do because I don’t have all the pieces in it. And this is going to be a personal decision too. Given that some thought, and also knowing that you can start thinking about this now and weaving this into what you’re doing now on one account. And then you can start to see, you know, what the stressed-out mom is. And I’m just using this as an example. That side of things, this is on its own. And having an account that is dedicated just to that allows me to create content that is just around that stuff really focuses on that community. I can talk about what I really want to talk about for that brand. You start to be like, okay, this may or may not be the case. I just want to use this as an example where it’s like, okay, for this to really be as much as it can be, it needs to be its own thing. So it doesn’t get watered down trying to make it into too many things. And so that might be the case. It may not. There may be a way to just bring this all in together. But I think if you think about it as today, I’m promoting this, and tomorrow I’m promoting this, it’s always going to feel like a lot. Even if everything you’re promoting was completely in sync, it still feels like all you were doing is promoting.

Aubrey Mathis

Yes.

Jaclyn Mellone

But when you think about what conversations am I having? What am I creating that’s allowing me to connect with my community? And so when it’s all through the lens of connection and service, naturally, it’s going to lead to your offers because those are an extension of it. But you can see where it’s like, Ooh, it feels like I’m forcing things to fit all together. Or okay, this is how I should be talking about it, and they’re naturally going to fit in.

Aubrey Mathis

Yes. I think I already see some stuff being muddied because like you said, the dots connect but then they don’t connect. Just because you may read romance novels doesn’t necessarily make you a mom or care about the stressed-out part of it. So yes, I see now my audiences are similar, but they’re not.

Jaclyn Mellone

And so using that as an example, though, we can go the other way with it. This is where there’s no one answer and you can have some flexibility. So if we’re trying to build an audience of romance novel readers, and then it’s like, okay, well, are they moms? Are they stressed out? Does that fit? It’s hard to go that way. But if the audience and the community are first stressed-out moms, and that stressed-out mom community has a book club at a recommended reading list, and things like that were, how cool to be a part of a community of stressed-out moms. And once a month, there’s a book club. Oh, my gosh, the woman leading this is also the author. That’s the coolest thing ever. So that way it’s easier than the other way.

Aubrey Mathis

And you just gave me wonderful ideas.

Jaclyn Mellone

Write that down. You’re welcome. Oh, but yes, you’re building a community of moms and talking about a lot of different things. But there’s a place for the books and that community. Not everyone in that community is going to be, most of them are not going to be local. And so where does the photography brand fit into that? Maybe a little bit trickier. And so that’s more of a local business. So I could see, if I was going to, I say that I’m not but I can’t help myself. Having an account dedicated to the local business makes sense. And when you have an account that’s focused on women’s empowerment and boudoir photography and all of that, talking about your romance novels, isn’t that off-topic either. And so that’s where I think you could also seek, you know what, who knows what that business you’ve been out of for so long, maybe you don’t even need to be as active in that account. I don’t know what that looks like or what the revenue stream is and how you’re bringing clients in, but you can figure out how to allocate your time and everything. And it sounds like, with the Stressed Out Mom, there’s a Facebook community. So maybe you don’t need to jump into an Instagram account for that right away. I don’t want you feeling like you need to have three different Instagram accounts. The world does exist in other places than Instagram. But when you start to look at the through-line and really keep it about, I think all of this, whether it’s the strategy or the mindset, when you make it about the woman you’re serving, it just gives you that lens of clarity that you can’t get anywhere else.

Aubrey Mathis

Yes. Well, so the clarity just in the 45 minutes, I see it now. I can see the vision that I’ve been seeing, that I know it’s just been blurred by the negative thoughts that we tell ourselves. Even though I can get past them, because I do start the things it’s like, I don’t show up as confident. A friend of mine did say she was like, I don’t feel like you’re showing confidence with your photography. And I’m like, really? She’s like, no, I don’t. And I thought I was, but she was just outside looking in because she’s in the group and she’s not local. She was like, you’re still not selling it. You’re still like, oh hey, I’m here. I’m doing it. But you’re not showing up. So seeing all these pieces and the clarity is like, okay, I know the mindset work that I need to work on now.

Jaclyn Mellone

Yes. All right. Well, I’m really excited for you to step into this and to see what comes next. I forgot that we were even talking about flakiness here. We got so far in this conversation. This is like, oh, but I hope you did too. To see that you’re doing awesome stuff, and own that. And by doing that, you’re going to be able to help the people that you’re serving so much more. I know it doesn’t necessarily happen overnight, but it can happen overnight. So just really take the time to work on yourself and get into this mindset, into this mind state, if you will, and start creating from that place. You can step into that instantly. Now it’s working to stay there, but you could step into it instantly. It’s not like, oh, you have to work on this for six months and maybe you could do that. You can embody this by just getting in that energy. So focusing on that and showing up from that place, and the more you do that, the more you practice getting into that place, the more natural it’ll come.

Aubrey Mathis

Awesome. Thank you so much.

Jaclyn Mellone

You’re welcome. Well, keep us posted. Thank you so much for coming on and doing this. I know that this is an inner dialogue that so many of us have, all different points of our journey. And so I really appreciate you coming on to talk about this so that we could help other people that maybe you don’t have the exact same situation but are probably pretty close to this situation if you take a look at it. So we really appreciate you coming on and doing this.

Aubrey Mathis

Thanks.

Jaclyn Mellone

All right. Well, how can we stay in touch with you?

Aubrey Mathis

On Facebook, I’m the official Stressed Out Mom Blog, and on Instagram, which actually is where I hang out the most, I’m @mrsaubreymathis.

Jaclyn Mellone: All right, great. And we’ll put all of that in the show notes too. All right, thank you so much, Aubrey.

Can I just say, thank you so much for listening? I don’t think I’m saying it enough, but I love that you are here. If you enjoyed today’s episode, or if you’ve been getting value from this podcast, can you do me a quick favor? Head on over to iTunes and leave a rating and review. When you leave a rating and review, it basically tells iTunes that they need to spread the word and tell more people about this podcast, and I am on a mission to get the word out. I’m so grateful for your support. We want to make sure to shout you out too. So if you do leave a rating and review, keep your eyes and ears open. We will be either shouting out in the podcast or on Instagram Stories.